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Band 6

Nowadays people are able to work from home thanks to technology. Some people say that this is only beneficial to employees, not employers. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #work #home #thanks #technology #employees #employers
In the modern
world
Add a comma
world,
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 a vast majority of jobs can be done remotely.
However
, some individuals argue that implementing working from home can often be advantageous only to employees and not the employers. I believe that certain drawbacks exist but
overall
 employers
also
 benefit from remote job opportunities. One of the disadvantages of online jobs is
lack
Correct article usage
the lack
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 of human interactions.
While
 a majority of occupations require
communications
Fix the agreement mistake
communication
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 with clients via emails or phone calls,
face to face
Add a hyphen
face-to-face
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 discussions are necessary to better understand one’s coworkers.
For example
, when a team is in one place they can quickly answer each other’s questions and work efficiently.
Thus
, tasks are completed in a shorter amount of time and more work can be done in a certain period of time which leads to higher profit margins and
significant
Add an article
a significant
the significant
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 increase in employer income.
On the other hand
, remote working environments come with their perks as well
such
 as employee development.
While
 completing assignments away from the office environment without hands-on help from mentors, individuals are forced to develop time management skills
as well as
 find the most effective
problem solving
Add a hyphen
problem-solving
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 methods. To illustrate, a new employee has to figure out how to set up a computer from home and download a variety of apps in order to do basic tasks remotely.
Consequently
, individuals become more self-assured and can put all of
the
Change the word
their
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 skills into use to make a company more profitable
as well as
 enhance its prestige.
This
 is a merit for everyone related to the establishment including the owners. Taking everything into account, I do believe that employers benefit from modern technology, especially remote working possibilities and can benefit financially.
Submitted by oimigle on

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task achievement
Your ideas are mostly clear and logically presented, but trying to offer some more nuanced views could enhance your discussion.
coherence and cohesion
Consider adding smooth transitions between paragraphs or sentences for better flow.
task achievement
You have effectively introduced the topic and provided a clear stance on it.
task achievement
The main points are well-supported with relevant examples.
coherence and cohesion
Logical structure is evident, with clear introduction and conclusion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • remote work
  • telecommuting
  • work-life balance
  • productivity
  • overheads
  • cybersecurity
  • collaboration
  • geographical location
  • job satisfaction
  • talent pool
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