Nowadays many people choose to be self-employed, rather than to work for a company or organization. Why might this be the case? What could be the disadvantages of being self-employed?
Starting from 2015-era, we may see many youngsters having their own businesses,
instead
of being employed in some well-known company, this
is contrary to what is
commonly happened before 2015. There are numerous reasons to Unnecessary verb
apply
this
phenomenon happened, starting from the characteristics of the millennials to how the environment supports this
action. Indeed there are many challenges faced by business
owners such
as profit loss, instability, and competitiveness.
I believe there are many rationale
on why people are insisted to be Change to a plural noun
rationales
entrepreneur
. First Fix the agreement mistake
entrepreneurs
thing
Fix the agreement mistake
things
first,
the adult generation nowadays has very high curiosity in challenging themselves. They are not easily satisfied with their achievements. Fortunately, this
curiosity is supported by many Venture Capitals
who are investing in businesses to Correct your spelling
capitalists
multiplied
their money. An example is what happened in my family. My sister felt she already achieved the best in every subject she did, but Wrong verb form
multiply
then
she longed for another challenge. This
is why she built a start-up by herself supported by an angel investor.
Not to mention
, the downsides of being self-employed are nothing compared to employees. While
workers are receiving certain salary
every Fix the agreement mistake
salaries
months
, these Change to a singular noun
month
business
owners are struggling to improve their companies and be distinct among
others. Creativity is absolutely critical to Change preposition
from
business
stability. Furthermore
, the ability of the boss keeping
the stability of the Change the verb form
to keep
business
will affect their employees. Other than that, competing with similar industries makes the cash flow exposed to a high-risk
of profit loss.
In conclusion, high motivation and a supportive environment are the biggest reasons for someone to become an owner of a Correct your spelling
high risk
business
. Even though there are myriad risks that could drawback their motivation. Being a
self-employed is not only Change the article
apply
need
a big dreamVerb problem
apply
,
but Remove the comma
apply
also
steady managerial and self-endurance characteristics to overcome challenges.Submitted by rifki.lufthansa on
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task achievement
The essay successfully addresses both parts of the task, explaining reasons behind the rise of self-employment and mentioning some disadvantages.
task achievement
Include more specific examples and statistical data to strengthen your arguments. For instance, citing industry trends or success stories beyond personal anecdotes can add depth to your points.
coherence and cohesion
The essay maintains a logical structure and flow of ideas throughout. The introduction provides clear context and leads into the main points effectively.
coherence and cohesion
While the essay is generally cohesive, ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs. For example, linking sentences at the beginning of a new paragraph with the previous one can enhance flow.
coherence and cohesion
Main points are sufficiently supported, but adding more supporting details or examples can provide a well-rounded discussion. Detailing specific challenges faced by self-employed individuals and how they manage them could be beneficial.
general
The introduction is clear, setting the context for the discussion effectively. Well done on providing a strong start.
task achievement
The essay covers the main points of the task, including reasons for self-employment and its disadvantages.
task achievement
Personal examples, like the one about your sister, add a relatable touch to your arguments. This helps readers connect with your points.
coherence and cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points discussed in the essay. It reinforces the reasons for self-employment and the necessary characteristics to overcome its challenges.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
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