The chart below gives information on the number of workers in differnt occupations who migrated to Australia between 2009 and 2012.

#information #workers #differnt #occupations #australia

The given chart demonstrates

different

Correct article usage

the different

show examples

jobs which immigrants do for living in Australia in the period from 2009 to 2012. The data were measured in

thousand

Fix the agreement mistake

thousands

show examples

workers

Change preposition

of workers

show examples

Overall

, it can be seen that accountant was the highest in 2010

while

computer

programmer held the lowest rate in one

seperated

Correct your spelling

separate

year in 2009 and 2011. It is

also

notable that

computer

programmer

Replace the word

programming

show examples

was not a popular trend when it experienced the lowest decrease rapidly in four years. Turning to the given information, it was clear that

accountant

Fix the agreement mistake

accountants

show examples

experienced the highest rate in 2010 before

decreased

Wrong verb form

decreasing

show examples

from 28 to 21

thousand

employees. Moving on

cook

Wrong verb form

to cooking

show examples

, the figure remained stably around 15 to 18

thousand

workers

through four years.

Therefore

software

Add an article

a software

show examples

engineer

Fix the agreement mistake

engineers

show examples

was about as fifth times as

computer

prgrammer

Correct your spelling

programmer

programme

in 2010, which were 20 and 4

thousand

workers

. Software

engineer

Fix the agreement mistake

engineers

show examples

increased from 19 to 21

thousand

workers

between 2009 and 2011, before

dropped

Change the form of the verb

dropping

show examples

by 17

thousand

workers

in 2012,

while

computer

programmer

Fix the agreement mistake

programmers

show examples

experienced a rough rate which remained stably lower than 5

thousand

workers

through out

Correct your spelling

throughout

show examples

the period.

Tue May 28 2024

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.

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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.

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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words thousand, workers, computer with synonyms.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 2 times.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "decrease" was used 2 times.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "remained" was used 2 times.

▼

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4Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
15Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

176 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Introduction & conclusion present

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

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The chart below gives information on the number of workers in differnt occupations who migrated to Australia between 2009 and 2012.

Some people think that individuals today are more dependent on each other. Others believe people have become more independent. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some people say that it is possible to tell a lot about a person's character and culture from their choice of clothes. Do you agree or disagree?

Some people believe the benefits of tourism outweigh the problems it creates in a particular place. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decresing. Do you think this is a positive/negative development?

Food travels thousands of miles from farmers to consumers. Some people think that it would be better for our environment and economy if people consumed locally produced foods. To what extent do the advantages of this would outweigh the disadvantages?