The chart below gives information on the number of workers in differnt occupations who migrated to Australia between 2009 and 2012.

#information #workers #differnt #occupations #australia

The given chart demonstrates

different

Correct article usage

the different

show examples

jobs which immigrants do for living in Australia in the period from 2009 to 2012. The data were measured in

thousand

Fix the agreement mistake

thousands

show examples

workers

Change preposition

of workers

show examples

Overall

, it can be seen that accountant was the highest in 2010

while

computer

programmer held the lowest rate in one

seperated

Correct your spelling

separate

year in 2009 and 2011. It is

also

notable that

computer

programmer

Replace the word

programming

show examples

was not a popular trend when it experienced the lowest decrease rapidly in four years. Turning to the given information, it was clear that

accountant

Fix the agreement mistake

accountants

show examples

experienced the highest rate in 2010 before

decreased

Wrong verb form

decreasing

show examples

from 28 to 21

thousand

employees. Moving on

cook

Wrong verb form

to cooking

show examples

, the figure remained stably around 15 to 18

thousand

workers

through four years.

Therefore

software

Add an article

a software

show examples

engineer

Fix the agreement mistake

engineers

show examples

was about as fifth times as

computer

prgrammer

Correct your spelling

programmer

programme

in 2010, which were 20 and 4

thousand

workers

. Software

engineer

Fix the agreement mistake

engineers

show examples

increased from 19 to 21

thousand

workers

between 2009 and 2011, before

dropped

Change the form of the verb

dropping

show examples

by 17

thousand

workers

in 2012,

while

computer

programmer

Fix the agreement mistake

programmers

show examples

experienced a rough rate which remained stably lower than 5

thousand

workers

through out

Correct your spelling

throughout

show examples

the period.

Tue May 28 2024

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".

▼

Introduction: The introduction is missing.

▼

Introduction: The chart intro is missing.

▼

Introduction: The chart intro is missing.

▼

Vocabulary: Replace the words thousand, workers, computer with synonyms.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 2 times.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "decrease" was used 2 times.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "remained" was used 2 times.

▼

Do you want to check your IELTS essays?

Submit unlimited essays, letters and charts. Sign up right now and start improving your writing skills.

4Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
15Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

176 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Introduction & conclusion present

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 checks
Get all the feedback you need to keep improving your charts and letters.
Unlimited Task 2 checks
Practice and perfect your skills with essays.
Personalized suggestions
Know how to boost your score.
Detailed mistakes analysis
Get instant feedback. Spot every mistake.
Topic ideas generator
Get topic-specific ideas to enhance your writing.
Vocabulary helper
Get the right words for any topic.
Progress tracking
Track your writing improvements.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

6
band
Children who are brought up in a family that does not have a lot of money are better prepared to deal with problems when they become adults than children who are brought up by wealthy parents. Do agree or disagree with the statement.
Several schools of thought have a strong conviction that youngsters who belong to middle-class families can better cope with daily challenges later in life when they become mature in comparison to children who belong to financially well-to-do families. I concur with this statement for several reasons.
7
band
Too much emphasis is given for education of the young. More government money should be spent to free time activity of young people. To what extend do you agree or disagree?
The government has spent too much on the education of students while it is argued that more government cash should be used for the purpose of organizing social activities as well as extracurricular courses. This essay will argue that it is better to involve extracurricular activities in school for young people rather than only concentrate on education.
6.5
band
You recently learned that a close friend of yours has had a baby, and you purchased a gift for the baby. Write a letter to your friend. In your letter, you should: Congratulate them on the arrival of the baby. Describe the gift you have chosen for the baby. Suggest arrangements for your visit to deliver the gift.
Long time no see. It has been 2 years since that the last time we saw each other in college. I was very surprised because it was a long time since we had met, but you brought a big news for me. When I received your handwritten letter which informed me that you gave birth to a baby. Congratulations! I am so happy for you. You finally have your own family with a cute baby girl.
6
band
The average standard of people's health is likely to be lower in the future than it is now.To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Recently, there have been a lot of discussions about health and whether it is going to improve or not. In my opinion, I think that people will become unhealthier in the future than they are now. There are many reasons that support the idea of people becoming unhealthy in the future. Firstly, one reason is that of food. People tend to eat more fast food nowadays. They tend to treat themselves with sweets and chocolate whenever they want. This appears to be because people are busier now than they used to be. So, people don’t have a chance to cook or even learn the art of cookery. Also, having a lot of unhealthy food can lead to obesity and it could be a serious issue in the future. Another reason is that technology is developing everyday. Young people enjoy buying new gadgets and the latest devices.
8
band
Some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation, such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money. Others argue that it is better to try and improve such situations. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.
When one falls into a case of misfortune, for example working a poor job or being short on funds, there is one side of the population that argues that the individual should accept their case, while the other side believes that they should strive for improvement and escape their ill-fate. On close examination of both arguments, it can be gathered that seeking change can have a more positive outcome.

The chart below gives information on the number of workers in differnt occupations who migrated to Australia between 2009 and 2012.

Children who are brought up in a family that does not have a lot of money are better prepared to deal with problems when they become adults than children who are brought up by wealthy parents. Do agree or disagree with the statement.

Too much emphasis is given for education of the young. More government money should be spent to free time activity of young people. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

The average standard of people's health is likely to be lower in the future than it is now.To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation, such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money. Others argue that it is better to try and improve such situations. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.