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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

the charts below show the performance of a bus company in terms of punctuality, both actual and target ( what actually happen compared to what the company was trying to achieve), and the number of complaints from passengers

the charts below show the performance of a bus company in terms of punctuality, both actual and target ( what actually happen compared to what the company was trying to achieve), and the number of complaints from passengers
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Containing in the two charts is data relating to a bus company's performance
about
Change preposition
regarding
show examples
 punctuality
while
Linking Words
 travelling with both
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
target and real between 1999 and 2000, and information about the
amount
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
 of
complaints
Use synonyms
 from customers.
Overall
Linking Words
, the proportion of
target
Fix the agreement mistake
targets
show examples
 decreased,
while
Linking Words
 there was a fluctuation in real. It can
also
Linking Words
 be observed that the number for those customers who
Use synonyms
complaints
Replace the word
complained
show examples
 went up. Beginning with
targer
Correct your spelling
target
 rates, it is evident that they were higher than real rates throughout the entire period, with the exception
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 2003. Between 1999 and 2000 figures remained stable at 86%, before decreasing to 85% by 2003. Regarding real rates, it fluctuated between 85% and 84% from 1999 to 2002.
Subsequently
Linking Words
, there was a
rose
Replace the word
rise
show examples
 to its original figure of 86% in 2003. Turning to the remaining statistics, it is apparent that the amount of
complaints
Use synonyms
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
 high. Between 1999 and 2001, there
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
 a fluctuation
at
Change preposition
of
show examples
 around 80
complaints
Use synonyms
. After that, they saw a
steadily
Change the word
steady
show examples
 jump at roughly 120
complaints
Use synonyms
form
Correct your spelling
from
show examples
 customers. It can
also
Linking Words
 be observed that the quality of those services
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
decreased.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also, while".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words complaints with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • punctuality
  • target versus actual performance
  • correlation
  • consistency
  • trends
  • passenger numbers
  • complaints
  • assessment
  • measures taken
  • impact
  • effectiveness
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