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Writing Samples
Band 6

The charts below show the main reasons for study among students of different age groups and the amount of support they recieved from empoyers. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts below show the main reasons for study among students of different age groups and the amount of support they recieved from empoyers. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
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The featured bar charts illustrate the proportion of different
age
Use synonyms
goups
Correct your spelling
groups
 concerning
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
resasons
Correct your spelling
reasons
 for study and the funds provided
from
Change preposition
by
show examples
 employers.
Overall
Linking Words
, the main reason for students who
under
Add a missing verb
are under
show examples
 49 years old to study is
due to
Linking Words
 their career goals,
while
Linking Words
 that for those who
over
Add a missing verb
are over
show examples
 49 years old is
according to
Linking Words
 interest. Meanwhile, the proportion of individuals under 26 years old is
heighest
Correct your spelling
highest
 among other
age
Use synonyms
 groups in financial support provided by employers. It is clear
form
Correct your spelling
from
show examples
 the graph that 80% of students under 26
yearls
Correct your spelling
years
 old go to school for their future development,
however
Linking Words
, with
age
Use synonyms
 growing up, there are fewer
people
Use synonyms
consider
Correct pronoun usage
who consider
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career
Add an article
a career
show examples
 as the main motivation. Those figures for 26-29, 30-39, 40-49 and 49+ are 70%, 65%, 40% and 20% respectively.
In contrast
Linking Words
 to those who study by their interest, the tendency is different from the career. Only 10%
Use synonyms
people
Change preposition
of people
show examples
 with
age
Use synonyms
 under 26 go to school for interest,
while
Linking Words
 that figure for 49+ students is 70%.
Additionally
Linking Words
, as for the degree of
supported
Change the form of the verb
support
show examples
 by
employer
Add an article
the employer
show examples
, 61%
employees
Change preposition
of employees
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with
Change preposition
aged
show examples
age
Use synonyms
 under 26
needs
Correct subject-verb agreement
need
show examples
 financial
aids
Fix the agreement mistake
aid
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. And there are fewer
people
Use synonyms
 supported by
employer
Fix the agreement mistake
employers
show examples
 with
Use synonyms
age
Fix the agreement mistake
ages
show examples
 between 26-39.
However
Linking Words
, the percentage of suppoted
people
Use synonyms
tend
Correct subject-verb agreement
tends
show examples
 to
higher
Add a missing verb
be higher
show examples
 with individuals aged beyond 39 (35% for 40-49 and 42% for over 49).

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however, while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words age, people with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "provided" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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