IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many young people do not spend their holidays and weekends doing outdoor activities like hiking and climbing in natural environments.

#people #holidays #weekends #activities #environments
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Nowadays, most young
people
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 do not spend their leisure time and vacations in outdoor
activities
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 like hiking and climbing in
surroundings
Correct article usage
the surroundings
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.
This
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 essay will discuss the reasons for
this
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 statement and suggest good solutions. Many young
people
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 individuals prefer indoor
activities
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such
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 as play
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phone
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phones
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 and watching entertainment content on various social
medias
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media
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.
One
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 of the main
reason
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reasons
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 can be that, nowadays,different modern technologies and gadgets are very developed.
One
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 of the other reason is most young
people
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attached
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are attached
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 to the
phone
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 because their parents
giving
Wrong verb form
give
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 them a
phone
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 from an early age.
One
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 more reason
can be
Wrong verb form
is
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the
Correct your spelling
that
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, most young
people
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interested
Add a missing verb
are interested
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and
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in and
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loved
Replace the word
love
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 to
the
Correct article usage
apply
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play various
phone
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 games and watch different videos on social
medias
Correct your spelling
media
show examples
. On the flip side, young individuals face health issues
due to
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 their sedentary lifestyle. To prevent
this
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, parents should supervise their children and teach them to go
outdoor
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outdoors
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 more and do various
activities
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.Showcasing success stories of individuals who have transformed their lives through outdoor
activities
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 can serve as powerful motivation.
Moreover
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, education systems can add
exercising
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exercise
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activities
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 for young
people
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,
this
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 may encourage students to spend more time exercising. The most prominent
one
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 is to encourage them to play in open-air places. Playing in parks
improve
Correct subject-verb agreement
improves
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people
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's health and
it's
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it also gives
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also
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 gives brilliant
and
Correct word choice
apply
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opportunities to socialize with other
people
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. In conclusion, there are many reasons for young
people
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 prefer staying
indoor
Correct your spelling
indoors
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 rather than exercising outdoors. To stem
this
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, young
people
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 should
be inspire
Change the verb form
be inspired
be inspiring
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in
Change preposition
by
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 outdoor
activities
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.Encouraging a balance between virtual connectivity and real-world exploration can lead to a healthier.
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on

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coherence cohesion
Work on improving your logical structure by ensuring that each paragraph has a clear central idea and flows smoothly from one to the next.
task achievement
Provide more detailed and specific examples to support your points, making your essay more compelling and informative.
general
Ensure that your grammar and sentence structures are varied and accurate, as some parts of the essay contain minor grammatical errors and awkward phrasing.
organization
The essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, which shows good organizational skills.
task achievement
You have touched on a variety of relevant points, including the influence of technology and the potential health benefits of outdoor activities.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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