Many countries have compulsory military service for young men after they leave school. It would be a good idea for all countries to adopt this system for men, and possibly for women too. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Many nations reserve obligatory military
service
for young people
of both gender
. Usually, Change to a plural noun
genders
this
military service
starts after the end of school, when guys are growth
enough. Some Replace the word
growing
people
claim that is
a good idea to extend this
type of compulsory public defense
Change the spelling
defence
service
in all countries
without
. Personally, I completely disagree with Change preposition
apply
this
statement. In this
essay
I will explain why.
Nowadays, some Add a comma
essay,
countries
are forcing young people
, men and women indistinctly, to serve the nation as soldiers. However
, governments of these places are not giving the chance to these young guys to choose their destiny. For example
, most oriental nations recruited
so many young men and women, and they have to learn how to shoot with a gun or how to drive a military truck into a war zone.
By the way, in 2024 I think that forcing Wrong verb form
recruit
people
to do something is against the
human rights. It is not fair that young Correct article usage
apply
people
are not able to choose for
their own destiny in some Change preposition
apply
countries
. For example
, I think that as
many others Correct word choice
like
that
young boys and girls have to be able to invest their time Correct pronoun usage
apply
on build
their future, Change preposition
in building
thus
spending their time serching
Correct your spelling
searching
a
job opportunity that they really want, Change preposition
for a
such
as being doctor
, teacher or surf Correct article usage
a doctor
instructors
.
In conclusion, I disagree with the main statement, because war is not Fix the agreement mistake
instructor
the
synonym Correct article usage
a
of
freedom, and soldier is not a synonym for safety job. There Change preposition
for
no
one good reason to ask Add a missing verb
is no
to
other Change preposition
apply
countries
to adopt this
kind of compulsory military service
.Submitted by bucciarellianna3 on
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task achievement
Make sure to provide more specific and relevant examples to strengthen your essay. For instance, you could mention specific countries where compulsory military service is in place and discuss their outcomes.
coherence cohesion
Work on the logical structure of your essay to ensure that each paragraph flows smoothly into the next. This will help in presenting your arguments more clearly.
coherence cohesion
Avoid using conversational language and informal expressions such as 'by the way.' Maintain a formal tone throughout the essay.
task achievement
You have clearly stated your disagreement with the statement and provided a general structure for your essay.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has an introduction and a conclusion, which helps to frame your argument.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
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