Many countries have compulsory military service for young men after they leave school. It would be a good idea for all countries to adopt this system for men, and possibly for women too. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#countries #service #men #school #idea #system #women

Many nations reserve obligatory military

service

for young

people

of both

gender

Change to a plural noun

genders

show examples

. Usually,

this

military

service

starts after the end of school, when guys are

growth

Replace the word

growing

show examples

enough. Some

people

claim

that is

a good idea to extend

this

type of compulsory public

defense

Change the spelling

defence

show examples

service

in all

countries

without

Change preposition

apply

show examples

. Personally, I completely disagree with

this

statement. In

this

essay

Add a comma

essay,

show examples

I will explain why. Nowadays, some

countries

are forcing young

people

, men and women indistinctly, to serve the nation as soldiers.

However

, governments of these places are not giving the chance to these young guys to choose their destiny.

For example

, most oriental nations

recruited

Wrong verb form

recruit

show examples

so many young men and women, and they have to learn how to shoot with a gun or how to drive a military truck into a war zone. By the way, in 2024 I think that forcing

people

to do something is against

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

human rights. It is not fair that young

people

are not able to choose

for

Change preposition

apply

show examples

their own destiny in some

countries

For example

, I think that

Correct word choice

show examples

many others

that

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

young boys and girls have to be able to invest their time

on build

Change preposition

in building

show examples

their future,

thus

spending their time

serching

Correct your spelling

searching

Change preposition

for a

show examples

job opportunity that they really want,

such

as being

doctor

Correct article usage

a doctor

show examples

, teacher or surf

instructors

Fix the agreement mistake

instructor

show examples

. In conclusion, I disagree with the main statement, because war is not

the

Correct article usage

show examples

synonym

Change preposition

for

show examples

freedom, and soldier is not a synonym for safety job. There

Add a missing verb

is no

show examples

one good reason to ask

Change preposition

apply

show examples

other

countries

to adopt

this

kind of compulsory military

service

Submitted by bucciarellianna3 on Tue May 28 2024

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task achievement

Make sure to provide more specific and relevant examples to strengthen your essay. For instance, you could mention specific countries where compulsory military service is in place and discuss their outcomes.

coherence cohesion

Work on the logical structure of your essay to ensure that each paragraph flows smoothly into the next. This will help in presenting your arguments more clearly.

coherence cohesion

Avoid using conversational language and informal expressions such as 'by the way.' Maintain a formal tone throughout the essay.

task achievement

You have clearly stated your disagreement with the statement and provided a general structure for your essay.

coherence cohesion

Your essay has an introduction and a conclusion, which helps to frame your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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6Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
19Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

256 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

Compulsory
Military service
Conscription
Patriotism
National security
Social equality
Discipline
Physical fitness
Life skills
Job training
Infringement
Conscripts
Gender equality
Mandatory
Economy
Education system
Labor market
Civil service
Alternative forms
Balanced view

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Many countries have compulsory military service for young men after they leave school. It would be a good idea for all countries to adopt this system for men, and possibly for women too. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Fully explain your ideas

Nowadays many people choose to be self-employed, rather than to work for a company or organization. Why might this be the case? What could be the disadvantages of being self-employed?

In many countries, smoking is now illegal in public places. Many people believe that such a ban is justified. Do you agree or disagree?

The number of children that read for fun has dropped dramatically in recent years. What are the reasons for this? How can we encourage children to read more? (Write at least 250 words.)

Freshwater has always been a limited resource in some parts of the world. Today, however, growing worldwide demand has made this a global problem. What are the causes of this increased demand, and what measures could governments and individuals take to respond to this problem?

The rise of social media has affected personal relationships and society as a whole. Do the advantages of using social media for communication outweigh the disadvantages?