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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The diagram below shows the manufacturing process for making sugar from sugar cane. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The diagram below shows the manufacturing process for making sugar from sugar cane. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#process #sugar #cane #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The process illustrates
different
Correct article usage
the different
show examples
 levels involved in making
sugar
Use synonyms
 from
sugar
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
canes
Fix the agreement mistake
cane
show examples
. In general, what stands out from the diagram is that there are various steps in order to have
sugar
Use synonyms
 as an
ingredients
Correct the article-noun agreement
ingredient
show examples
 in our kitchens. It is noticeable that a great deal of
efforts
Fix the agreement mistake
effort
show examples
 is needed to produce
sugar
Use synonyms
. As the first step, it is needed 12 to 18 months for
sugar
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
canes
Fix the agreement mistake
cane
show examples
 to become fully grown and reach a situation in which they are capable of harvesting. In
this
Linking Words
 stage, there are two methods in order to cut
sugar
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
canes
Fix the agreement mistake
cane
show examples
, being cut by farmers or using advanced systems to cut them
such
Linking Words
 as vehicles. After transferring to companies where
sugar
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
canes
Fix the agreement mistake
cane
show examples
 are crushed by crushing devices and
change
Wrong verb form
changed
show examples
 into
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
juice
Use synonyms
,
the next step is
Linking Words
 to pass the
juice
Use synonyms
 through a limestone filter where purifying
juice
Use synonyms
is coming
Wrong verb form
comes
show examples
 out. Now, it is time to make syrup out of the purifying
juice
Use synonyms
.
That is
Linking Words
 why purifying
juice
Use synonyms
 is transferred to an evaporator in which
juice
Use synonyms
 becomes syrup by receiving heat.
This
Linking Words
 stage is followed by separating
sugar
Use synonyms
 crystals from syrup with the help of a centrifuge.
Finally
Linking Words
, by letting crystal sugars
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
dry and cool, the result will be
sugar
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by layakhosroabadi on

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
▼
Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words sugar, canes, juice with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • manufacturing process
  • sugar cane
  • harvesting
  • transporting
  • factory
  • crushing
  • extracting
  • juice
  • filtering
  • impurities
  • heating
  • evaporating
  • syrup
  • boiling
  • crystallizing
  • sugar
  • separating
  • drying
  • packaging
  • distribution
  • stage
  • process
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