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Band 6

The pie charts illustrate the portion of students at one university in the UK who can speak other languages besides English, in the years 2000 and 2010.

The pie charts illustrate the portion of students at one university in the UK who can speak other languages besides English, in the years 2000 and 2010.
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The two pie graphs compare the number of British pupils at one UK university who manage to speak different languages
along with
Linking Words
 English over ten years since 2000.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 in the past the majority of
students
Use synonyms
 were not interested in speaking any
language
Use synonyms
, which remained the case throughout the period.
However
Linking Words
, the least preferable
language
Use synonyms
 was German during the period of ten years.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, in 2000, 30% of British
students
Use synonyms
 only spoke English,
while
Linking Words
 20% of them spoke Spanish.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, learners who learned to speak German and two other different languages were at the same rate of 10%, and 15% of the
students
Use synonyms
 spoke French and one other
language
Use synonyms
all
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
in 2000.
Additionally
Linking Words
,in 2010, the number of
students
Use synonyms
 who prefer not to learn a new
language
Use synonyms
 remains the highest proportion of 35%, in comparison with Spanish speakers who dropped by 10%, in 2010. College
students
Use synonyms
 who spoke French had fallen to 10%,
while
Linking Words
 German speakers
remain
Wrong verb form
remained
show examples
 at the same rate since 2000 at 10%.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words students, language with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "remained" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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