IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Many elderly people no longer look after their families but are put in care homes and nursing homes. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Currently, people have hectic
lifestyle
Fix the agreement mistake
lifestyles
show examples
thus
Linking Words
 they do not have time to
care
Use synonyms
their
Change preposition
for their
show examples
 older family
members
Use synonyms
. Younger population and middle-aged people put elderly
members
Use synonyms
 in old age
homes
Use synonyms
. Both its pros and cons will be discussed in the following paragraphs. When it comes to the advantages of the same, the first and foremost is that nursing
homes
Use synonyms
 often provide Professional
Care
Use synonyms
 that ensures proper medical attention and consistent
care
Use synonyms
. When an older person reaches
Linking Words
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the end of their life and needs complete medical
Care
Use synonyms
, which cannot be given at home,
as a result
Linking Words
, nursing
homes
Use synonyms
 are preferred by many individuals.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
care
Use synonyms
homes
Use synonyms
 are full
with
Change preposition
of
show examples
grey-population
Correct your spelling
population
show examples
 which
prevent
Correct subject-verb agreement
prevents
show examples
 loneliness and
give
Correct subject-verb agreement
gives
show examples
 social interaction with peers because in nursing
homes
Use synonyms
 they can share their feelings and thoughts with friends
Linking Words
this
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 works as a stress Buster for them.
For example
Linking Words
, Canada and the United States of America financially support nursing
home
Fix the agreement mistake
homes
show examples
 as they believe
this
Linking Words
 may
helpful
Add a missing verb
be helpful
show examples
 for the well-being of old old generation. When it comes to the disadvantages of the same, the most prominent one is sending elderly
members
Use synonyms
 to nursing
home
Fix the agreement mistake
homes
show examples
break
Fix the infinitive
to break
show examples
 families' Unity.
In other words
Linking Words
, elderly ones
plays
Change the verb form
play
show examples
 an integral role in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
families since we can learn various life lessons and social norms from them as they have heaps of experience.
In addition
Linking Words
, old age
homes
Use synonyms
 can be quite expensive, imposing a financial burden on families.
For instance
Linking Words
,
according to
Linking Words
Harvard
Correct article usage
a Harvard
show examples
 medical report, 50% of old
people's
Unnecessary verb
people
show examples
that
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
are caused by emotional breakdowns and stress
due to
Linking Words
 lack of family interaction. In conclusion, I opine that nursing
homes
Use synonyms
 have both merits and demerits.
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
However,
show examples
 it can be easily observed that many individuals barely get time for their family
members
Use synonyms
 so
it's
Replace the word
its
show examples
 advantages outnumber
it's
Replace the word
its
show examples
 disadvantages.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Ensure that every main point mentioned in the introduction is clearly elaborated upon in the body paragraphs. For instance, the part about elderly people providing life lessons is mentioned but not deeply explored with examples.
task achievement
Work on expanding the ideas in the body paragraphs to make them more comprehensive. This can be achieved by providing more specific examples, statistics, or anecdotal evidence where applicable.
coherence and cohesion
Try to use a wider range of linking devices and transitional phrases to improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs. For instance, phrases like 'on the other hand', 'furthermore', and 'similarly' can make transitions smoother.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea. For example, the second advantage discusses both professional care and social interaction. These could be separated into different paragraphs for better clarity and focus.
introduction conclusion present
You have a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. This helps in making your essay organized and easy to follow.
complete response
The essay discusses both advantages and disadvantages, providing a balanced view on the subject. This shows a good understanding of the topic.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • professional care
  • medical attention
  • consistent care
  • social interaction
  • prevent loneliness
  • emotionally difficult
  • away from their families
  • expensive
  • financial burden
What to do next:
Look at other essays: