IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some beliee that the development of technology and improved software allow us to translate between languages automatically. Theref0r, it is not necessary to learn foreign languages any more. Do you agree or disagree

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There are some who consider that
people
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 do not need to learn a foreign
language
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 because of the help of translation apps,
however
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, others disagree with
this
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 statement. From the writer's perspective, learning a foreign
language
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 not only plays an important role in communication but
also
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 the requirement of recruitment Regarding how learning a foreign
language
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 naturally improves
a communicative skills
Correct the article-noun agreement
communicative skills
a communicative skill
show examples
. To put it plainly,
although
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 it only takes a few seconds to translate any foreign
language
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 into
mother
Add an article
the mother
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 tongue,
this
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 software can not be a substitute in daily communication.
This
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 is because
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 these translation apps can not transmit the full meaning and emotion of the speaker so it is difficult to have a successful conversation and build up relationships with other
people
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.
Therefore
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, learning a foreign
language
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 in order to enhance
overall
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 communication skills and enabling to interact with
the
Correct article usage
apply
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broader relationships. When it comes to how many recruits require
Correct article usage
the
show examples
language
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 skills of employees. To put it in
further
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 detail,
language
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 proficiency is a key skill for many jobs especially in a global and diverse workforce where employees gain more potential promotion when having the knowledge of another
language
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.
However
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, if young
people
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 are inability to understand and speak foreign languages, it causes them a lot of trouble in their career paths. Take Vietcombank as an example, employees must get through a
language
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 test in recruitment because it is an essential requirement.
Thus
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, mastering of foreign
language
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 opens more options in choosing a career In conclusion,learning a foreign
language
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 gives
people
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 more chances to expand their social circles and open more career doors.

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task achievement
Include a more explicit thesis statement in the introduction to set the stage for the essay. Make sure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence to guide the reader.
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical flow between points by using more varied linking phrases and connectors. Ensure that all ideas are clearly linked and not just listed.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, making the essay feel complete.
task achievement
The essay provides relevant examples, such as the Vietcombank example, which bolster the main points effectively.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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