IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The most important aim of science should be to improve people's lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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It is widely agreed that the aim of
science
Use synonyms
 should
benefits
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benefit
show examples
people
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due to
Linking Words
 the advantages of
science
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. The advantages of
science
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 are more likely to be considered
about
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apply
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because it could improve many aspects
such
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 as
improvement
Correct article usage
the improvement
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 of medicines,
agricultures
Fix the agreement mistake
agriculture
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 and renewable energy.
Moreover
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,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
science
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 has driven the rapid
advancement
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 of
technologies
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 that ease
people
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's lives.
Thus
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, I wholeheartedly that the paramount of
science
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 is to improve
individual's
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individual
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 lives. The rapid
advancement
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 of
science
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 produces many inventions that could help
people
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 in many things,
for example
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, in medicines. In
this
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 era where there are many new diseases founded, the invention of the cure
is depend
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depends
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 on the
advancement
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 of
science
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.
For example
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, in 2022 when
Corona
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coronavirus
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spreaded
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spread
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 all
of
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over
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 the world and the number of infected
people
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were
Unnecessary verb
apply
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increased,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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vaccines were
depend
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dependent
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 on
science
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 to be created.
Due to
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this
Linking Words
 fact, the purpose of
science
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 should
benefits
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benefit
show examples
people
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.
Furthermore
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, the benefits of
science
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 drive the innovations of
technologies
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 that improve
individual's
Correct article usage
an individual's
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 daily activities. Daily activities
such
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 as communication, transportation, and education are supported by many
technologies
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 based on
science
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 inventions.
For instance
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,
fast
Correct article usage
a fast
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 train in Japan named
Shinkansen
Correct article usage
the Shinkansen
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, is built above magnetic railroads based on
Use synonyms
science
Replace the word
scientific
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 law that has
invented
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been invented
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 and
this
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innovations
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innovation
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 has
implemented
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been implemented
show examples
 in many countries for
people
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 to
efficiency
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efficiently
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 commute. Obviously,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
science
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 could enhance
people
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's daily activities effectively.
To conclude
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, the advantages of
science
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 in many aspects
such
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 as healthcare would be the most considered
about
Change preposition
apply
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because it
is undoubtedly helps
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undoubtedly helps
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for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
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's lives.
Moreover
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, the
advancement
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 of
technologies
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 that ease
people
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's
live
Replace the word
lives
show examples
are depend
Change the verb form
depends
show examples
 on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
science
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.
Nevertheless
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, it is a sure thing that the purpose of
science
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 should enrich human
being's
Change noun form
beings
show examples
 daily.

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task
Ensure that your essay has a more varied vocabulary to avoid repetition. For instance, instead of repeatedly using 'science,' consider synonyms or rephrased sentences.
coherence cohesion
Take care with verb tenses and subject-verb agreement. For example, 'the invention of the cure is depend' should be 'the invention of the cure depends.' Proofreading can help catch these errors.
task
While the essay has a clear structure, make sure each paragraph fully develops each point. For example, the second paragraph could have explored more on how scientific advancements have specifically improved medical treatments.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, both of which appropriately frame the argument.
task
Relevant, specific examples, such as the COVID-19 pandemic and Shinkansen train, are used to support the main points. This makes the argument more believable and relatable.
coherence cohesion
The overall logical flow of the essay is maintained, guiding the reader from one idea to the next smoothly.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • crucial role
  • technological advancements
  • medical discoveries
  • life-changing inventions
  • innovations
  • solutions to human problems
  • enhancing quality of life
  • improvement of healthcare
  • transportation
  • communication
  • agriculture
  • energy sectors
  • eradication of diseases
  • prolongation of life expectancy
  • global challenges
  • climate change
  • overpopulation
  • food security
  • developed world
  • underprivileged communities
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