The percentage of overweight children in the western society has increased by almost 20% in the last ten years. Discuss the causes and effect of this disturbing trend.

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In the

last

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decade,

Correct article usage

show examples

arise

Correct your spelling

rise

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of overweight youngsters has obviously been seen in

the

Correct article usage

apply

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western society and the proportion of these new generations has increased by a massive 20%. In

this

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essay, both causes and effects of

this

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issue will be outlined before reaching a conclusion.

To begin

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with, there are several reasons why the fraction of obese children is getting higher, and one of the most significant is junk

food

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. To explain in greater detail, the short duration of serving time in these restaurants suits children's lifestyles as they have tight learning schedules.

Furthermore

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, a lot of branches of fast

food

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restaurants have sprung up all over cities and

therefore

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youngsters can easily grab it

while

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they commute from homes and schools.

For example

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, when I was a child, McDonald's was located on the opposite side of my primary school.

Hence

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, when I was late and my class was about to start, I would choose to buy and eat hamburgers from

this

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fast

food

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shop before entering the school.

On the other hand

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, there is a clear drawback to

this

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issue and it is health issues. To elaborate

further

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, eating a vast amount of junk

food

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leads to numerous diseases

such

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as diabetes, high blood pressure, heart disease, etc.

Moreover

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, their physical strength

are

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weakened because when adolescents gain more weight, they lack stamina and it badly affects their joints and ankles.

For example

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, when I was in middle school, my close friend was obsessed with fried

chickens

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chicken

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and hamburgers from McDonald and his weight rose to more than 100 kilograms

which

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apply

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in turn his doctor said that he got both obese and high blood pressure.

Besides

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, he

highly

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is highly

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risked

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apply

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heart disease if he did not control his diet.

Overall

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, it is undeniable that the younger generations in recent years have been overweight

due to

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plenty of unhealthy

food

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shops, namely, McDonald's, KFC, Texas Chicken and so on.

As a result

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, eating an enormous amount of junk

food

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leads to bad health issues which will make their health worsen.

nnatthineeWed May 29 2024

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Grammar

Try to reduce minor errors such as "an arise" which should be "a rise" and "McDonald" which should be "McDonald's.”

Task Response

Further elaborate on additional causes of child obesity beyond fast food to provide a more comprehensive response. Consider mentioning lack of physical activity and advertising influence.

Task Response

Examples provided are relevant and help illustrate your points, such as the personal anecdotes about McDonald's and your friend's experience.

Coherence and Cohesion

Essay has a clear introduction and conclusion which effectively frame the discussion on the causes and effects of overweight children.

Coherence and Cohesion

The structure is logical, with both causes and effects discussed in separate paragraphs, making it easy to follow.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

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16
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

342 words

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The percentage of overweight children in the western society has increased by almost 20% in the last ten years. Discuss the causes and effect of this disturbing trend.

Include an introduction and conclusion

You have bought a new laptop computer and in a few days of purchase discovered a major flaw. Write a letter to the company. In your letter – introduce yourself – explain the situation – say what action you would like to company to take.

In many countries, sports stars earn extremely high salaries. Some people believe that sports stars earn too much money, while others claim that they deserve their high salaries. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some people think that the best way to broaden young people's understanding of the world is to encourage them to travel to other countries. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? What other measures do you think might be effective?

Buying goods and service online is very popular and has many advantages, but it is not always safe to shop online. do you think the advantages gained from shopping online outweigh the disadvantages.

In some countries in Europe, some children from the age of 11 or 13 go to schools to learn more practical skills that will help them get a job. Other children stay in schools which provide a more general academic education.