The percentage of overweight children in the western society has increased by almost 20% in the last ten years. Discuss the causes and effect of this disturbing trend.

#percentage #children #society #ten #years #effect #trend

In the

last

decade,

Correct article usage

show examples

arise

Correct your spelling

rise

show examples

of overweight youngsters has obviously been seen in

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

western society and the proportion of these new generations has increased by a massive 20%. In

this

essay, both causes and effects of

this

issue will be outlined before reaching a conclusion.

To begin

with, there are several reasons why the fraction of obese children is getting higher, and one of the most significant is junk

food

. To explain in greater detail, the short duration of serving time in these restaurants suits children's lifestyles as they have tight learning schedules.

Furthermore

, a lot of branches of fast

food

restaurants have sprung up all over cities and

therefore

youngsters can easily grab it

while

they commute from homes and schools.

For example

, when I was a child, McDonald's was located on the opposite side of my primary school.

Hence

, when I was late and my class was about to start, I would choose to buy and eat hamburgers from

this

fast

food

shop before entering the school.

On the other hand

, there is a clear drawback to

this

issue and it is health issues. To elaborate

further

, eating a vast amount of junk

food

leads to numerous diseases

such

as diabetes, high blood pressure, heart disease, etc.

Moreover

, their physical strength

are

Change the verb form

show examples

weakened because when adolescents gain more weight, they lack stamina and it badly affects their joints and ankles.

For example

, when I was in middle school, my close friend was obsessed with fried

chickens

Fix the agreement mistake

chicken

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and hamburgers from McDonald and his weight rose to more than 100 kilograms

which

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apply

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in turn his doctor said that he got both obese and high blood pressure.

Besides

, he

highly

Add a missing verb

is highly

show examples

risked

Change preposition

apply

show examples

heart disease if he did not control his diet.

Overall

, it is undeniable that the younger generations in recent years have been overweight

due to

plenty of unhealthy

food

shops, namely, McDonald's, KFC, Texas Chicken and so on.

As a result

, eating an enormous amount of junk

food

leads to bad health issues which will make their health worsen.

Submitted by nnatthinee on Wed May 29 2024

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Grammar

Try to reduce minor errors such as "an arise" which should be "a rise" and "McDonald" which should be "McDonald's.”

Task Response

Further elaborate on additional causes of child obesity beyond fast food to provide a more comprehensive response. Consider mentioning lack of physical activity and advertising influence.

Task Response

Examples provided are relevant and help illustrate your points, such as the personal anecdotes about McDonald's and your friend's experience.

Coherence and Cohesion

Essay has a clear introduction and conclusion which effectively frame the discussion on the causes and effects of overweight children.

Coherence and Cohesion

The structure is logical, with both causes and effects discussed in separate paragraphs, making it easy to follow.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

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16Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

342 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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The percentage of overweight children in the western society has increased by almost 20% in the last ten years. Discuss the causes and effect of this disturbing trend.

Include an introduction and conclusion

It has been suggested that cars and public transport should be banned from city centres and only bicycles be allowed instead. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people think that students should study in their own city. However, many students prefer to study far away from their home. Do the advantages of studying away from home outweigh the disadvantages

Living in a country where you have to speak a foreign language can cause serious social problems, as well as practical problems.

Nowadays, more people are migrating to other countries than ever before. In order to become integrated into society in their adopted countries, immigrants should abandon their old ways and adapt to local customs and codes of behavior.Do you agree or disagree?

Some people say that economic growth is the only way to end hunger and poverty, while others say that economic growth is damaging the environment so it must be stopped ? Dicuss both views and give your opion.