Technology has revolutionized leisure activities. While some argue it provides more options and accessibility, others worry it leads to isolation and a decline in traditional hobbies. Discuss both sides of this argument and explain how technology can be used for a more fulfilling leisure experience.

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The development of

technology

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has changed our lives completely, and some individuals think that it has had detrimental effects on people's traditional hobbies,

while

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others, including myself, believe that it provides more options. In

this

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essay, both perspectives will be discussed. On the one hand,

technology

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provides more

leisure

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activities than traditional hobbies. It is true that nowadays, more than 70% of the world's population is using the

Internet

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. On the

Internet

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, there are so many

leisure

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time

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activities that everyone can engage in,

such

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as playing games, reading books, and watching videos.

Furthermore

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, in some places, there are not many

leisure

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time

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facilities. Thanks to the

Internet

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, the accessibility of online

leisure

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facilities is easy enough.

On the other hand

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technology

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has negative consequences.

Firstly

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technology

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can isolate people from real life because some people spend too much

time

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on the

Internet

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. Dependence on

technology

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can create certain health issues. Nowadays, obesity rates are increasing day by day because of the lack of physical

activities

Fix the agreement mistake

activity

show examples

Moreover

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, technological devices can be harmful to human health,

such

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as prolonged screen

time

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can negatively impact eyesight. Technological devices

also

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emit radiation, which can damage the human body. In conclusion, for these reasons,

while

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some believe that

technology

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has opened up new

leisure

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time

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facilities, others believe that it is not beneficial all the

time

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. In my opinion, its benefits outweigh its negative effects.

quluzadenurlan107Wed May 29 2024

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task response

Provide more detailed examples to strengthen your points. For instance, you could mention specific online games or popular streaming services to illustrate the variety of leisure activities available through technology.

coherence cohesion

Enhance the logical flow between paragraphs. Try to use more transition words or phrases to make the essay read smoother and show the connection between ideas. For example, use words like 'Moreover,' 'Additionally,' or 'Nevertheless.'

coherence cohesion

The essay provides a clear introduction and conclusion, which frame the argument well.

task response

The discussion addresses both sides of the argument and offers a personal opinion, which demonstrates a balanced approach to the topic.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

231 words

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Your opinion

In some countries today, many people decide to have their first child when they are older. What are the reasons? Do you think the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

The rise of social media platforms has made it easier for people to vent their frustrations and complaints publicly. What is the consequence of this trend? Is there any benefit to expressing complaints on social media?

Many university students want to learn about different subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others feel it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for their qualification. Discuss both views and give your opinion.