Technology has revolutionized leisure activities. While some argue it provides more options and accessibility, others worry it leads to isolation and a decline in traditional hobbies. Discuss both sides of this argument and explain how technology can be used for a more fulfilling leisure experience.
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The development of
technology
has changed our lives completely, and some individuals think that it has had detrimental effects on people's traditional hobbies, while
others, including myself, believe that it provides more options. In this
essay, both perspectives will be discussed.
On the one hand, technology
provides more leisure
activities than traditional hobbies. It is true that nowadays, more than 70% of the world's population is using the Internet
. On the Internet
, there are so many leisure
time
activities that everyone can engage in, such
as playing games, reading books, and watching videos. Furthermore
, in some places, there are not many leisure
time
facilities. Thanks to the Internet
, the accessibility of online leisure
facilities is easy enough.
On the other hand
, technology
has negative consequences. Firstly
, technology
can isolate people from real life because some people spend too much time
on the Internet
. Dependence on technology
can create certain health issues. Nowadays, obesity rates are increasing day by day because of the lack of physical activities
. Fix the agreement mistake
activity
Moreover
, technological devices can be harmful to human health, such
as prolonged screen time
can negatively impact eyesight. Technological devices also
emit radiation, which can damage the human body.
In conclusion, for these reasons, while
some believe that technology
has opened up new leisure
time
facilities, others believe that it is not beneficial all the time
. In my opinion, its benefits outweigh its negative effects.Submitted by quluzadenurlan107 on
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task response
Provide more detailed examples to strengthen your points. For instance, you could mention specific online games or popular streaming services to illustrate the variety of leisure activities available through technology.
coherence cohesion
Enhance the logical flow between paragraphs. Try to use more transition words or phrases to make the essay read smoother and show the connection between ideas. For example, use words like 'Moreover,' 'Additionally,' or 'Nevertheless.'
coherence cohesion
The essay provides a clear introduction and conclusion, which frame the argument well.
task response
The discussion addresses both sides of the argument and offers a personal opinion, which demonstrates a balanced approach to the topic.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?