Some people assert that there should be an absolute ban on the consumption of alcohol and tobacco while others oppose it. Discuss both the views and give your opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#people #ban #consumption #alcohol #tobacco

A section of the society

Advocate

Change the verb form

Advocates

show examples

that the government should impose a complete ban on the consumption of

alcohol

and

tobacco

, considering

public's

Correct article usage

the public's

show examples

health.

Whereas

, some individuals are against it. Both sides will be discussed in

this

essay, including my opinion.

To begin

with, numerous people think that both

alcohol

and

tobacco

have significant negative effects on

human

Add an article

the human

show examples

body, leading to certain ailments

such

as brain strokes and cancer.

Alcohol

consumption directly

Target

Correct subject-verb agreement

Targets

show examples

brains

Fix the agreement mistake

brain

show examples

neural cells, which are essential for

identify

Change the form of the verb

identifying

show examples

objects seen by human eyes,

can

Correct word choice

and can

show examples

be damaged

due to

overconsumption.

Likewise

, consuming

tobacco

products like cigarettes

activate

Correct subject-verb agreement

activates

show examples

cancer cells in

human

Add an article

the human

show examples

body. To site

and

Correct your spelling

show examples

example, around 50000 deaths are being recorded and only by the World Health Organization, caused by

tobacco

and

alcohol

In contrast

, the sales of

alcohol

and

tobacco

have put great economic impact, including jobs and revenue generated by these drug Industries. A complete ban on the same good

jeopardize

Correct subject-verb agreement

jeopardizes

show examples

countries

Replace the word

the country's

show examples

GDP, and leads to unemployment.

Apart from

this

, the global Constitution gives equal

right

Fix the agreement mistake

rights

show examples

to make

own

Correct pronoun usage

their own

show examples

choices, as long as people do not harm others.

In other words

alcohol

and

tobacco

deeply

Add a missing verb

are deeply

show examples

indulged in certain

culture

Fix the agreement mistake

cultures

show examples

, and

impose

Wrong verb form

imposing

show examples

an absolute band might be impossible for the authorities.

For example

, in 2021, Italy became the first country,

who

Correct pronoun usage

that

show examples

banned

Wrong verb form

ban

show examples

the sale of cigarettes, as

Correct article usage

a results

show examples

results

Fix the agreement mistake

result

show examples

instead

of improvement it increased the black market of cigarettes. To me, after considering public Liberty, imposing a complete ban on

alcohol

and

tobacco

might not be a prudent approach as the sales of hard drugs are highly important for a nation's economic Improvement .

Submitted by rajwants.1997 on Thu May 30 2024

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Task Achievement

You provide relevant points for both viewpoints and your opinion, but ensure that your examples and explanations fully support the points you raise. For instance, you could expand on the example of Italy to add more depth.

Task Achievement

Try to work on clarity and accuracy in your language to make your argument stronger. For example, some parts of your essay contain grammatical errors and awkward phrases that can confuse readers.

Coherence and Cohesion

Make sure your essay is well-structured, with clear transitions between each point. Your conclusion can also be made stronger by summarizing the key points you've discussed in the body of your essay.

Coherence and Cohesion

Refine your introduction to be more engaging, and clearly outline the two viewpoints that you will discuss. Also, ensure that your conclusion succinctly reiterates your main points and the stance you have taken.

Task Achievement

You've done a good job of introducing both sides of the argument and clearly stating your own opinion.

Coherence and Cohesion

Your essay structure includes an introduction, body paragraphs discussing both views, and a conclusion, which is good practice.

Task Achievement

You use relevant examples, like mentioning the World Health Organization and Italy's attempt to ban cigarettes. This adds weight to your argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

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11Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
21Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

267 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

Public health
Adverse effects
Cardiovascular illnesses
Revenue generation
Economic impact
Personal liberty
Effectiveness
Prohibition
Regulated control
Addiction
Support systems
Rehabilitation
Cultural practices
Social resistance
Enforcement challenges

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Some people assert that there should be an absolute ban on the consumption of alcohol and tobacco while others oppose it. Discuss both the views and give your opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Include an introduction and conclusion

Sales companies should recruit people who are hungry for money as they will make the most dedicated workers.Do you think money is the driving force behind hard work? What factors should be taken into consideration when recruiting staff for sales positions

Food travels thousands of miles from farmers to consumers. Some people think that it would be better for our environment and economy if people consumed locally produced foods. To what extent do the advantages of this would outweigh the disadvantages?

It is important for everyone, including young people, to save money for their future. To what extent do you agree ir disagree with this statement?

'People who do not use social media networks* will always fall behind in career development opportunities.' •To what extent do you feel that this is an accurate and important prediction? •* Social media networks = messaging and information exchange systems such as Facebook and Twitter.

The government should spend money in promoting sport and art in school, rather than sponsoring sports and art events in communities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?