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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graphs below show the percentage of men and women aged 60-64 who were employed in four countries in 1970 and 2000. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant

The graphs below show the percentage of men and women aged 60-64 who were employed in four countries in 1970 and 2000. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant
#graphs #show #percentage #men #women #four #countries #information #features #comparisons
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Contained in the pictures
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 two charts
provided
Wrong verb form
providing
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
data about the percentage of
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
 and
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
 who are in
group
Fix the agreement mistake
groups
show examples
 aged 60-64
employing
Wrong verb form
employed
show examples
 in various countries including Belgium,
Use synonyms
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
,
Japan
Use synonyms
 and
Australia
Use synonyms
 between 1970 and 2000.
Overall
Linking Words
 it can be seen that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Japan
Use synonyms
 was the highest
country
Use synonyms
 in both
dynamic
Fix the agreement mistake
dynamics
show examples
 from 1970 to 2000.
Additionally
Linking Words
, most of
Use synonyms
country
Replace the word
the countries
show examples
 increased yearly,
exception
Replace the word
except
show examples
 with
USA
Use synonyms
,
Use synonyms
Australia
Correct word choice
and Australia
show examples
 in
women’s
Correct article usage
the women’s
show examples
 chart. In
male’s
Correct article usage
the male’s
show examples
 chart all
Use synonyms
country
Correct article usage
the country
show examples
 went up strongly. Regarding the women’s dynamic,
Japan
Use synonyms
 had the highest percentage of
employer
Fix the agreement mistake
employers
show examples
 from 1970 to 2000. In 1970, it reached 40% and
then
Linking Words
 increased slightly
at
Change preposition
to
show examples
 43% in 2000. The following year,
USA
Use synonyms
 and
Australia
Use synonyms
 had 38% and 18% respectively.
However
Linking Words
, both of them fell down 2% in 2000. The lowest
country
Use synonyms
 is Belgium
when
Correct word choice
where
show examples
 it reached 7% and decreased slightly in 2000. Moving on to the big changes,
Japan
Use synonyms
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
still the highest rate when it reached 74% and grew
at
Change preposition
to
show examples
 86% in 2000. Followed by Belgium,
although
Linking Words
 it had the
low
Correct word choice
lowest
show examples
 percentage in 1970, it developed dramatically in 2000 and reached approximately 80%.
USA
Use synonyms
 and
Australia
Use synonyms
 had the same change when both had about 53% and improved around 75%

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Vocabulary: Replace the words usa, japan, australia, country with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "changes" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • employment rate
  • percentage
  • aged 60-64
  • employed
  • country
  • comparison
  • trends
  • increase
  • decrease
  • significant changes
  • socio-economic factors
  • gender disparity
  • highest
  • lowest
  • dataset
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