Some people think that the main purpose of school is to turn children into good citizens and worker, rather to benefit them as individuals. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Presently, the topic of the role of
school
is an important argument point. Add an article
the school
a school
While
others thought the goal of school
is to help children
become a
good natives and employees Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
instead
of personal advantages, this
writer believed that schools should educate children
develop
into decent individuals as they will become shapers of Add the particle
to develop
Correct article usage
the nation
nation
future and Change noun form
nation's
enhace
Correct your spelling
enhance
children
's awareness.
It must be undrestood
that Correct your spelling
understood
children
will become a
Correct article usage
apply
leader
of their countries in the future because they receive the education from their first instructors to gain Fix the agreement mistake
leaders
knowledge
about right and wrong when they were
Wrong verb form
are
a
Correct article usage
apply
kid
. They grow up and meet new people to guide and direct them in the right way. Thanks to their secondary instructors, Fix the agreement mistake
kids
children
can assimilate more knowledge
and develop their thinking and another social skills
. Replace the adjective
another social skill
other social skills
Moreover
, children
obtain
good education from both families and schools will become more successful in the future and Correct pronoun usage
who obtain
also
turn into world shapers and enhance the countries where they lived
. Wrong verb form
live
Therefore
, children
shou;d
be taught and Correct your spelling
should
have
clearly directed to contribute more Unnecessary verb
apply
in
Change preposition
to
social
.
Another component of the case for educating Replace the word
society
children
at school
is that enhanced
all essential Wrong verb form
enhances
knowledge
for children
to protect themselves and other people. It should be self-evident that the knowledge
which children
were taught at school
will be more useful for them in real life, as it shows that children
can apply things that they learn to practical situation
and it becomes their weapons to deal with some difficult problems and solve Fix the agreement mistake
situations
it
on their own. Correct pronoun usage
them
Furthermore
, these knowledges
can Fix the agreement mistake
this knowledge
also
be used by children
to help other people. For instance
, childre
who have a lot of social Correct your spelling
children
knowledge
early can help drowned peopel
, they know what they should prioritize and follow their tactics so that they can save Correct your spelling
people
other's
Fix the agreement mistake
others'
lifes
.
Correct your spelling
lives
To sum up
, it can be seen that children
should be taught at school
to become a
good citizens and workers in Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
social
. Replace the word
society
Thus
, they should learn more so that they can promote themselves to their countries.Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task achievement
Ensure that your arguments are clearly stated and well-supported. Although your essay gives a general overview, some points could benefit from further clarification and stronger supporting evidence.
task achievement
Work on improving your grammar. There are several grammatical errors that interfere with readability. Be sure to proofread your essay and consider using more varied sentence structures.
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical flow between points. Some paragraphs seem a bit disjointed. Using transitional phrases can help connect ideas more smoothly.
coherence cohesion
Use specific examples to support your points. While you provide some illustrative examples, more detailed evidence would help strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Work on having a clear and focused introduction and conclusion. The introduction should briefly outline your main arguments, and the conclusion should summarize the key points discussed in the essay.
task achievement
Your essay demonstrates a good attempt at addressing the topic and provides an overall coherent response.
coherence cohesion
You have made an effort to support your main points with examples, which is crucial for developing your argument.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is structured in a logical manner, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example