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Band 4

Problem: International tourism has brought enormous benefits to many places. At the same time, there is concern about its impact on local habitants and the environment. Do the disadvantages of international tourism outweigh the advantages?

#tourism #places #time #concern #impact #habitants #environment
In
the
Correct article usage
apply
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recent years, international tourism has played an important part in the
economical
Replace the word
economic
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 development of many regions, leading to the improvement in
lifestyle
Correct article usage
the lifestyle
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 and infrastructure of
such
 places.
On the other hand
, many
worries
Replace the word
worry
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 about the impact
tourists
 create on the local population and the ecosystem surrounding the
tourist-centered
Change the spelling
tourist-centred
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 locations.
This
 essay will shed
lights
Fix the agreement mistake
light
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 on how the benefits of people travelling globally can outweigh the drawbacks.
First,
it is undeniable that the inbound and outbound
tourists
 influence the economy of the world.
For example
, travellers will bring with them all sorts of financial resources, contributing significantly to the cash flow of the destined countries.
Moreover
, in places that are popular with visitors, various
jobs
Change the noun form
job
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 opportunities will follow the steps of the
tourists
, helping to increase the employment status of said regions.
Additionally
,
although
 some may raise the concern that
tourists
 flocking to an area will exhaust the environment of the place, engendering the depletion of resources
such
 as water, the
otherwise
 effects are more prominent. In fact, more people coming will raise
the
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awareness for the surrounding habitats, leading to more
contribution
Fix the agreement mistake
contributions
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 toward the
reservation
Correct your spelling
preservation
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 of the local ecosystem.
Moreover
, in some cases, it is the
tourists
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
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 will share the idea of protecting
the
Correct article usage
apply
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nature
to
Change preposition
with
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 the local residents, helping them achieve
the
Correct article usage
apply
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optimal results with advanced technologies and concepts. In conclusion, the impact of international tourism results in far
positive
Correct quantifier usage
more positive
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 development than negative issues for the visited regions.
Submitted by kimtruong270192 on

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task achievement
You should include more relevant and specific examples to better support your points. For instance, mention specific countries or landmarks where international tourism has significantly boosted the economy or contributed to environmental conservation.
task achievement
Try to ensure all ideas are fully and clearly developed. For example, discuss both sides equally if you are presenting a balanced view, or provide a stronger argument if you are leaning towards one side.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion which frames your argument well.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is clear, making it easy to follow your arguments.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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