The world of work is changing rapidly and employees cannot depend on having the same job or the same working conditions for life. Discuss the possible causes for this rapid change, and suggest ways of preparing people for the world of work in the future.
In
this
fast growing
world, Add a hyphen
fast-growing
people
cannot rely on doing the same work or having the same working environment for their whole life. It could be because of the growing technology where most of the repetitive works are substituted by the
machines and Correct article usage
apply
robot
and less Fix the agreement mistake
robots
man power
Correct your spelling
manpower
are
needed Correct subject-verb agreement
is
and
Correct word choice
apply
also
people
tend to look for new talents and challenges in new working conditions
rather than locked
themselves in their comfort zones.
Some of the repetitive jobs Wrong verb form
lock
such
as packing do not require labour
force because they can be easily replaced by Correct article usage
a labour
the
machines, once the application for the process of how things are done by humans Correct article usage
apply
available
. Using machines and robots could be more effective and cheaper in the long term because they do not demand Add a missing verb
is available
for
overtime payments or ask for sick leaves. Remove the preposition
apply
Therefore
, it is impossible for the employees whose job
can be taken over, Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
depend
on having the same job.
Fix the infinitive
to depend
Besides
, many people
are
favouring Unnecessary verb
apply
work life
balance and are motivated to look for more challenging jobs that would offer better working Add a hyphen
work-life
conditions
that could create different learning environments and opportunities. They believed that there are
more Wrong verb form
were
opportunity
to learn from distinct working Fix the agreement mistake
opportunities
conditions
. In my perspective, there
is almost impossible to stop the development of technology that Correct pronoun usage
it
lead
to Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
the
rapid change in the Correct article usage
apply
life
of employees, Fix the agreement mistake
lives
therefore
people
should improve their skills and talents to implement them in jobs that could not
be taken over Wrong verb form
cannot
such
as in career
that required passion Fix the agreement mistake
careers
such
as teaching.
In conclusion, in this
rapidly changing world
it does not seem possible to maintain the same job or working Add a comma
world,
conditions
, therefore
in the Correct your spelling
future
furture
it is crucial to look for careers that cannot be takenCorrect your spelling
future
Submitted by asllchkied on
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task achievement
Your essay addresses the main points of the prompt, but it would benefit from the inclusion of more relevant examples and further elaboration on your ideas. For instance, when discussing the need for new talents and challenges, provide specific instances or future job predictions.
coherence cohesion
The essay is mostly cohesive and logically structured, but some transitions between ideas could be smoother. Try to use more connective phrases to enhance the flow between paragraphs and main points.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction effectively sets the context for the discussion about the changing nature of work.
logical structure
You've clearly identified two primary causes for changes in the work environment: the rise of technology and changing career preferences.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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