IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

The chart below shows the expenditure on three categories among different age groups of residents in the UK in 2004.

The chart below shows the expenditure on three categories among different age groups of residents in the UK in 2004.
#expenditure #three #categories #age #groups #residents #uk
The given bar chart depicts the data pertaining to how
Correct article usage
the Britishs
show examples
Britishs
Correct your spelling
British
 spent their money during 2004. Generally speaking, it can be observed that the demand
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 food and drink and
entertainment
 saw an increase
as well as
 the rise of ages with the exception
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the latter in
over
Correct article usage
the over
show examples
 76 age group.
In addition
, the proportion of spending from the people who were under 46 witnessed
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 much lower
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
its
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
rate compared to the mentioned categories. In
further
 detail,the amount of expenditure saw a growth in food and drink and
entertainment
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
ranging from 3% to just below 23% in the age group from 61 to over 76.
Similarly
,
restaurant
Fix the agreement mistake
restaurants
show examples
 and
hotel
Fix the agreement mistake
hotels
show examples
 which
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
in the same ages spent varied from below 4% to over 6%.
In contrast
, the people who
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
 over 76 were likely to
spent
Change the verb
spend
show examples
 less on
entertainment
 which accounted for only 13%. Moving on to the
reamaining
Correct your spelling
remaining
 statistics,
it is clear that
 the most of expenditure from the British was
expensed
Verb problem
spent
show examples
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
entertainment
 and food and drink,
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
ranging from over 5% to 16%.
Conversely
, the average people below 30 and 60 spent less than 14% of their income on
restaurant
Fix the agreement mistake
restaurants
show examples
 and
hotel
Fix the agreement mistake
hotels
show examples
.
Submitted by Nghỉ hè vui vẻ cả nhà on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words entertainment with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
▼

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: