The pie charts below show the online shopping sales for retail sectors in New Zealand in 2003 and 2013. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparison where relevant.

#show #sales #sectors #zealand #information #features #comparison

The

pies

Change the noun form

pie

show examples

graph

illustrate

Correct subject-verb agreement

illustrates

show examples

the online shopping expenditure for retail in the following sectors: (Travel, film\music, books and clothes) in New Zealand in 2003 and 2013.

Overall

, it is obvious from the graphs that in 2003

people

travelled more than they did in 2013.

However

, in 2013 it seems

people

liked music and movies more.

To begin

with, looking at the pie of 2003, travel took the top sales by 36%.

People

were not interested in reading books which made up for 19% only. shopping for outwear accounted for 24% followed by tickets for music festivals and movies by 21%

repectively

Correct your spelling

respectively

. The chart of 2013 showed an interesting increase for the film and music sector, the

perecentage

Correct your spelling

percentage

growed

Correct your spelling

grew

show examples

from 21% to 33%. Meanwhile,

people

bought

less

Change the quantifier

fewer

show examples

clothes in 2013

comparing

Wrong verb form

compared

show examples

to 2003 by 8%. Followed by travel which went down to 29%.

In addition

to that, there was a slight increase in buying books by 19%

Submitted by a-la-a-11 on Thu May 30 2024

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.

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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words people with synonyms.

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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.

▼

Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.

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4Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

156 words

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Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Introduction & conclusion present

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

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The pie charts below show the online shopping sales for retail sectors in New Zealand in 2003 and 2013. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparison where relevant.

Many people believe that the overconsumption of refined sugar is a major problem in the world and should be regulated the same as alcohol and tobacco. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

The title "I had to show courage." Describe a circumstance where you had to exercise courage. What action of yours required a lot of bravery? Afterwards, did you feel proud of yourself? How did your surroundings respond?

Some people say that the main environmental problem of our time is the loss of particular species of plants and animals. Others say that there are more important environmental problems. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Some people believe that all wild animals should be protected. Others say that only a few wild animals should be protected. Discuss both views and give your opinion.