IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In some countries family and friends who care for the elderly do not find time to look after them. What are the reasons and solutions?

#countries #friends #care #time
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People
Use synonyms
nowdays
Correct the word
nowadays
show examples
 in
few
Correct article usage
a few
show examples
 parts of the world find it quite hard to make
time
Use synonyms
,to spend with
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 elderly ones . There are sufficient
resoning
Correct your spelling
reasons
 to it.
Majority
Correct article usage
The majority
show examples
 of the
people
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 in the world do 9-8 jobs,
they
Correct word choice
and they
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 spend most of their
time
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 during the day in the office, getting exhausted and strained from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
work. They come home devastated and tired
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 normal family interactions. More
reasons
Fix the agreement mistake
reason
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 could be if they move to a different city for better work, most of them
wouldnt
Correct your spelling
wouldn't
 be able to take everyone with them,So they intend to leave them at old age homes.
Its
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It's
It is
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 sad and devastating to them but most of them may not have another option.
In addition
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 to
this
Linking Words
, there are
people
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 who do not have the basic knowledge to take
care
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 of the elderly
people
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 around them.
People
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 after a certain age should be treated gently, they require more
care
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 emotionally and physically
through out
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throughout
show examples
 the day. Some
people
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 hire
eduacted
Correct your spelling
educated
 nurses to take
care
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 of them, which in a way would be a great idea if the family
didnt
Correct your spelling
didn't
 have
time
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 or knowledge to take
care
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 of their elderly.
Linking Words
Secondly
Add a comma
Secondly,
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 there
has
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have
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 been issues about elderly abuse happening around the world.
People
Use synonyms
 happen to
loose
Correct your spelling
lose
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 affection and love
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 their parents because of how dependent they become
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 them.
Nowdays
Correct the word
Nowadays
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 cost of living has
also
Linking Words
 become a major
fact
Correct your spelling
factor
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 in their relations.
Therefore
Linking Words
people
Use synonyms
 should show more
care
Use synonyms
 and love to them . In
conclusion
Add a comma
conclusion,
show examples
people
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 should make
time
Use synonyms
 in their
day-to day
Add a hyphen
day-to-day
show examples
 life to spend with their loved ones
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and treat them with patience and kindness.
Submitted by prakasharjun1998 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph logically follows from the previous one and maintains a clear connection throughout. Transition words and phrases can help to create this flow.
task achievement
While you have addressed the main points of the question, including examples can strengthen your response. Try to include relevant, specific examples to support your points.
task achievement
There are some minor spelling and grammatical issues. Carefully proofread your essay or use grammar-checking tools to minimize these errors.
task achievement
The essay could benefit from a more formal tone, especially in the conclusion. Consider slightly more sophisticated vocabulary and varied sentence structures.
task achievement
The essay covers some relevant points for both reasons and solutions effectively.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present and provide a clear start and finish to the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • elderly care
  • work-life balance
  • geographical distance
  • support network
  • professional care services
  • extended family systems
  • responsibilities
  • burnout
  • work schedules
  • training programs
  • cost of living
  • social changes
  • caregiving
  • time constraints
What to do next:
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