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Band 5

In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

#countries #world #people #cities #population #countryside #development
Throughout
span
Add an article
the span
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 of human being life,
people
always
Add a missing verb
are always
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 active,
work
Correct word choice
and work
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 to
having
Wrong verb form
have
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 a good living standard.
That is
 the reason they do not want to stay in one place, where they were born and raised. Recently, in a lot of nations on over the world
that
Correct word choice
apply
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rural residents are moving to
cities
, it led to the amount of population in the countryside
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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falling. In my opinion,
this
 is a negative development. There
is
Verb problem
apply
show examples
a various satisfactory theoretical bases to explain why
people
choosing
Wrong verb form
choose
show examples
 large
cities
 causes many problems that deserve attention. First of all, the uncontrolled movement of rural
people
 to
cities
 to work
as well as
 live will
make
Verb problem
create
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 an imbalance in social distribution.
Secondly
,
bis
Correct your spelling
big
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cities
 have almost all infrastructure and amenities, so the fact that many
people
 move to
cities
 to
living
Wrong verb form
live
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 can cause social problems,
such
 as lack of accommodations,
traffic
Correct word choice
and traffic
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jam
Fix the agreement mistake
jams
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.
Furthermore
, it could
also
 lead to
polluted
Correct article usage
a polluted
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 environment issue because of vehicles, noise,…. Remarkably, it is difficult for the economies of regions to develop equally.
Amount
Correct article usage
The amount
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 of
labor
Change the spelling
labour
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 market is quite large in
cities
 but it is small in
countryside
Add an article
the countryside
show examples
.
That is
 the reason there
is
Verb problem
apply
show examples
a plenty of career opportunities in those
cities
 but they can not meet all employment needs for workers,
then
 they could lead to unemployment problems in urban areas.
Last
 but not least, each aspect will have its own benefits and drawbacks,
this
Correct word choice
and this
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 statement is no exception. To me, the government should have suitable strategies to control the population balance between
countryside
Correct article usage
the countryside
show examples
 and big
cities
.
Submitted by chauhongngoc.577 on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay should begin with a clear introduction that provides some background on the topic and states your main thesis directly and concisely. Rephrase the first paragraph to make it clearer and more direct.
task achievement
You should develop each point with specific examples or detailed explanations to make your arguments more convincing.
coherence cohesion
You have a general structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, ensure that each paragraph has a clear main point and remains focused on it.
task achievement
The essay addresses the topic directly and provides several points that are relevant to the question.
coherence cohesion
Your concluding paragraph summarizes your main points and provides a final remark. This gives a sense of closure to the essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • rural-to-urban migration
  • population shift
  • positive impact
  • negative impact
  • urbanization
  • job opportunities
  • access to education
  • access to healthcare
  • urban infrastructure
  • rural traditions
  • cultural heritage
What to do next:
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