IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The charts below show the percentage of male and female workers in country A and country B. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts below show the percentage of male and female workers in country A and country B. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
#show #percentage #workers #country #b #information #features #comparisons
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
This
 pie chart displays the two countries working in three fields,
service
,
argiculture
Correct your spelling
agriculture
 and industry. It is clear from the graph that
males
 and
females
 have
diffrent
Correct your spelling
different
 percentages
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the sectors for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
both
 A and B
Country
Fix the agreement mistake
Countries
show examples
.
According to
 what is shown,
both
gender
Fix the agreement mistake
genders
show examples
 in
country
Fix the agreement mistake
countries
show examples
 A and B
prefere
Correct your spelling
prefer
preferred
service
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
. To
illustraite
Correct your spelling
illustrate
, as shown from the figure, 56% of the
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
working
Wrong verb form
work
show examples
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
service
while
 49% of the
females
.
Add a missing verb
do.
show examples
Moreover
, 65% of
Males
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 Country B are working on services too, and 88% of the
females
.
However
,
works
Correct subject-verb agreement
work
show examples
 related to the industrial
males
 works higher than the
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
 in
both
 countries, which
recorded
Add a missing verb
is recorded
show examples
 by
males
 50% , 32%
while
 the
females
 8% and 11%.
To sum up
, we could say that
both
 countries
as well as
both
gender
Fix the agreement mistake
genders
show examples
working
Wrong verb form
work
show examples
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
service
 sectors rather than
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
other fields.
Submitted by balqassab3 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
▼
Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words service, males, females, both with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • percentage
  • gender employment rate
  • workforce
  • disparity
  • employment trend
  • notable difference
  • counterpart
  • demographic
  • labor market
  • sector
  • predominantly
  • employment rate
  • analysis
  • comparative study
  • statistical data
What to do next:
Look at other essays: