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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts below show the percentage of workers in three sectors across four countries in 1980 and 2010.Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts below show the percentage of workers in three sectors across four countries in 1980 and 2010.Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The given bar charts illustrate a comparison of the proportion of
employees
Use synonyms
 in various sectors across four nations in 1980 and 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
, the figure for
industry
Use synonyms
 workers in
Germany
Use synonyms
,
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
 and Japan took the lead throughout the entire time frame, with
Germany
Use synonyms
 showing the most dramatic increase,
while
Linking Words
 China experienced an opposite trend in the number of
employees
Use synonyms
. Employment in the
agriculture
Use synonyms
 sector was the highest. It is noteworthy that in 1980, the data on
Germany
Use synonyms
’s
laborers
Change the spelling
labourers
show examples
 in the
industry
Use synonyms
 field occupied the top position compared to others, about 60%,
while
Linking Words
 that of
services
Correct article usage
the services
show examples
 and
agriculture
Use synonyms
 sectors was approximately 50% and 5%, respectively. Specifically, the proportion of US and
Japan’s
Change noun form
Japanese
show examples
 workers had a similar pattern, with about half of the workforce employed in
industry
Use synonyms
 and a small number of people in
agriculture
Use synonyms
.
On the contrary
Linking Words
, Chinese agricultural
employees
Use synonyms
 dominated in other nations, at 70%, whilst
that
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
figure
Fix the agreement mistake
figures
show examples
 for
industry
Use synonyms
 and services were about 40% and 50%, respectively. Thirty years later, there was a notable increase in
industry
Use synonyms
 in
Germany
Use synonyms
, the US and Japan, ranging from 70 %to 80%,
while
Linking Words
 China’s
industry
Use synonyms
 sector remained unchanged. It can
also
Linking Words
 be seen that there was a significant decrease in the figure for
Use synonyms
agriculture
Replace the word
agricultural
show examples
laborers
Change the spelling
labourers
show examples
 in
Germany
Use synonyms
, the US and Japan, with the percentage being below 10%,
whereas
Linking Words
 that of China flattened out. As regards the proportion of
employees
Use synonyms
 in the services sector, that of the all countries mentioned above witnessed a dramatic decline to under 40%.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words employees, industry, germany, agriculture with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "dramatic" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • percentage
  • sector
  • distribution
  • dominance
  • decline
  • significant changes
  • employment
  • patterns
  • trends
  • global
  • compare
  • highlight
  • examine
  • identify
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