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Band 4.5

People feel that educational success is dependent on having a good teacher, others say it depends not the attitude of the student. Discuss both side and state your opinion

#people #success #teacher #attitude #student #side
Undoubtedly, to become
a success
Replace the word
successful
show examples
 in study is dependent on both
Professor
Correct article usage
the Professor
show examples
 and Pupil.
Tutor
Add an article
The tutor
A tutor
show examples
 is doing his
jon
Correct your spelling
job
 but
student
Add an article
the student
a student
show examples
 must think about
future
Correct article usage
the future
show examples
 to take
prospect
Fix the agreement mistake
prospects
show examples
. In the following paragraphs, I will discuss both sides and will give my own opinion. To
embark
Verb problem
begin
show examples
 with, it is
responsibility
Add an article
the responsibility
show examples
 of tutors
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
they give
students
 encouragement and provide proper instruction
in particular
subject
Fix the agreement mistake
subjects
show examples
 to enhance the interest of
students
 in study. Because sometimes teachers become the reason
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 children's learning failure as trainers just do their job to earn money they
are not make
Change the verb form
are not making
are not made
show examples
 effective efforts to attract the
students
 towards particular goals.
Moreover
, some kids
are lose
Change the verb form
are losing
show examples
 their motivation in education
due to
 careless tutors.
On the other hand
, it
is totally depends
Change the verb form
totally depends
show examples
 on
person
Add an article
the person
show examples
that
Correct word choice
whether
show examples
 he
want
Correct subject-verb agreement
wants
show examples
 to achieve
succes
Correct your spelling
success
 in qualification or not as many
students
going
Wrong verb form
go
show examples
 to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
college or universities for entertainment and
wasting
Wrong verb form
waste
show examples
 the
hard earning
Correct your spelling
hard-earned
show examples
 money of their parents. As
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 they have no intention about classes or subjects, they don't care what the professor is teaching, they just
remains
Change the verb form
remain
show examples
 busy
in
Change preposition
with
show examples
 their own
gossips
Fix the agreement mistake
gossip
show examples
. If teachers ask them about notebooks and class tests they are
starting
Add the particle
starting to
show examples
 misbehave with them
due to
 which tutors are afraid of taking
further
 actions and force them
for studying
Change preposition
to study
show examples
. In conclusion, it is concluded that
coin
Correct article usage
the coin
show examples
 has two sides in
this
 case it would
be depend
Change the verb form
depend
show examples
 on both teachers and
students
 to achieve success in
educational
Add an article
the educational
show examples
 field. But if
teacher
Add an article
the teacher
a teacher
show examples
 is not making much
efforts
Fix the agreement mistake
effort
show examples
students
 must take it seriously and try their hardest.
Submitted by manpreetkaurzzx on

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task achievement
Your ideas are clear, but there is room for more detailed examples. For instance, you could mention specific efforts a good teacher might make, or how a motivated student might succeed despite poor teaching.
task achievement
Ensure clarity in your sentences by checking for grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. For example, consider revising 'they just remains busy in their own gossips' to 'they just remain busy gossiping.'
coherence cohesion
Revise and expand on your main points for stronger cohesion. Add more linking words to guide the reader smoothly from one idea to the next, for instance, 'On the other hand,' 'Furthermore,' 'In addition,' etc.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are well-structured, providing a clear starting point and summary for your essay.
task achievement
You have managed to present both sides of the argument fairly, which strengthens your task response.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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