IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Schools should focus on academic success and passing examinations. Skills such as cookery, dressmaking and woodwork should not be taught at school as it is better to learn these from family and friends. To that extent do you agree or disagree.

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While
Linking Words
 it is widely claimed that schools should
emphasis
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emphasise
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on
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apply
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only academic performance rather than those
skills
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such
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 as cookery,
tailor
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tailoring
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, and crafts that could be learned
elsewhere
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out
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outside
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 of the
school
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, others argue that those
hand-on
Correct your spelling
hands-on
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skills
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 should be included in the curriculum as well. Both
point
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points
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 of
views
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view
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 and reasons why I agree with the former statement will be elaborated on in
this
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 essay.
To begin
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 with, it may
seems
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seem
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 sensible for some to believe that
literated
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literate
literature
subjects
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 should be the main aims of the
school
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.
This
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 is
possibly
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possible
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 because they viewed that
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school
Change the article
a school
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is
Correct your spelling
as
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 a place for cultivating
student
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students
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 to become
literated
Correct your spelling
literate
liberated
 and
seen
Wrong verb form
see
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 other
subjects
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besides
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 languages, mathematics, and sciences as a hobby. Take cookery,
For example
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; not every
students
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student
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 can cook and it
require
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requires
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great
Correct article usage
a great
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ammount
Correct your spelling
amount
 of funding in order to . Many opponents of
this
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 idea might
opposed
Verb problem
argue
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 that schools should provide
variety
Add an article
a variety
show examples
 of experiences to the students, both academically and skillfully.
To simply
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Simply
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 explain, not all family
could
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can
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 provide some
skills
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 that their kids want to learn.
For instance
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, some parents might not have any of the mentioned
skills
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 that can inherit
to
Change preposition
from
show examples
 their children. So
that is
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 why
the
Correct article usage
apply
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academic institutes as
such
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 should
taught
Change the verb form
teach
be taught
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 basic
skill
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skills
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for
Change preposition
to
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 their children to get
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 basic idea of
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
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 and make use in the future on their own.
However
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, I personally argue in favour of focusing on educated students with
literacy related
Add a hyphen
literacy-related
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subjects
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 seeing that served as the base of knowledge for them.
For example
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, in a remote area, I believe that these academic
subjects
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is
Change the verb form
are
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 vital as it is help them to read, write, and
culculate
Correct your spelling
calculate
calculated
 properly.
Hence
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, other
skills
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 they already learned through their daily life. In summary,
although
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 it is undeniable that
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school
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schools
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 should not only focus on
its
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the
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 academic success of
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
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 learners but
also
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providing
Wrong verb form
provide
show examples
 non-academic
skills
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 to explore their
ability
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abilities
show examples
, I am of the opinion that I strongly agree that
Use synonyms
school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
show examples
 should
emphasis
Replace the word
emphasise
show examples
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
academic
performances
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performance
show examples
 in order to provide a .

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coherence cohesion
Try to improve the logical flow and organization of your essay. Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next, maintaining a clear and logical structure throughout. Consider using linking words and phrases more effectively.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are present, but they can be more impactful. Strengthen your introductory paragraph by clearly stating your thesis statement, and provide a more conclusive summary in your conclusion.
task achievement
While you have some supporting points, make sure to elaborate on them with clear, comprehensive ideas. Provide more examples to support your arguments comprehensively.
task achievement
Make sure to address both sides of the argument more evenly and ensure that your arguments are clearly presented and well-developed.
task achievement
You've covered both points of view and explained why you support one side. This shows a good understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are present, helping the reader to follow your essay.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • academic success
  • passing examinations
  • cookery
  • dressmaking
  • woodwork
  • learn from family and friends
  • personalized learning environment
  • supportive learning environment
  • well-rounded education
  • school curriculum
  • resources
  • expert guidance
  • enhance creativity
  • problem-solving
  • teamwork
What to do next:
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