The chart below describe 4 sector of employment, in 2009 and 2020, in two twons. Summarise the infromation.

The chart below describe 4 sector of employment, in 2009 and 2020, in two twons. Summarise the infromation.
IELTS Writing Task Chart for The chart below describe 4 sector of employment, in 2009 and 2020, in two twons. Summarise the infromation.
The pie charts illustrate the 4 parts of employment in towns
B
Use synonyms
and A in 2009 and 2020.
Overall
Linking Words
, Manufacturing, and
hospitality
Use synonyms
increased in
this
Linking Words
period for
town
Use synonyms
A,
however
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
was not the same for
town
Use synonyms
B
Use synonyms
.
Hospitality
Use synonyms
and teaching grew in 2009 and 2020 for
town
Use synonyms
B
Use synonyms
. It can be clearly seen that manufacturing increased dramatically by 40%, from 20% to 60 , and accounted for the majority of employment in 2020. During the same 11-year period, engineering dropped significantly from 60% to 17%.
In addition
Linking Words
, Teaching decreased very slowly, from 9% to 8%,
however
Linking Words
,
Hospitality
Use synonyms
experienced growth very moderately, from 11% in 2009 to 15% in 2020. Moving on to
town
Use synonyms
B
Use synonyms
, the Manufacturing sector witnessed a large reduction in figures, from 40% to 25%,
while
Linking Words
Engineering remained steady.
In contrast
Linking Words
,
Hospitality
Use synonyms
and Teaching experienced growth of similar proportions, with teaching
rose
Wrong verb form
rising
show examples
from 10% in 2009 to 20% in 2020 and
Hospitality
Use synonyms
slightly less,
increased
Wrong verb form
increasing
show examples
by 5%, from 15% to 20%.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
Vocabulary: Replace the words b, hospitality, town with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
Vocabulary: The word "growth" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 3 times.
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