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Band 4.5

In some countries, more and more adults are living with their parents after graduating from college, university or even after finding a job. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

#countries #adults #parents #college #university #job
There are differences between each state about living with your guardians after finishing school or university or even after finding a job.
However
,
by
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living with your parents has a lot of pros than cons
such
 as taking care of them, collaborating financially and enjoying the best moments. As for the first pros of living with them is taking care of your parents in hard times, sickness and weakness.
For example
, when they become older it will
required
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require
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 more
of
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caring, so
by
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living with them will make it easy to check and access at any time.
Moreover
, they will appreciate it and not
being
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be
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 abandoned or alone.
Secondly
,
by
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collaborating financially will create an opportunity to save money for the future. Like sharing with them the groceries amount, the bills and the rent to make the load less on them. Or even they will not
accepte
Correct your spelling
accept
 to share with them which will lead you to saving more money.
Last
 but not least,
enjoying
Wrong verb form
enjoy
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 the moments with them because they will not live forever. Indeed, it is a gift to be with them and share every moment, to be available to them. It will mean a lot to create memorable scenes.
Although
 it will become a story to tell your kids in future. In conclusion, being able to live with your parents is a gift to enjoy every moment, to care for them and to share financially.
Submitted by fofo-_-qtr on

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language variety
Avoid repetitive phrases like 'living with your parents' to enhance your writing style. Use synonyms or variations to make the essay more engaging.
example detail
Ensure each paragraph supports your main argument with specific examples and detailed explanations. This strengthens your points and shows a thorough understanding of the topic.
coherence clarity
Refine the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs for better coherence. Linking words and phrases can help in making the transition smoother and more natural.
task fulfillment
The essay provides a clear response to the prompt, addressing both the advantages of living with parents post-graduation.
structure strength
A thoughtful introduction and conclusion are present, framing the essay well.
supporting points
Each main point is supported with relevant reasons, making the argument persuasive.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • transitional phase
  • emotional support
  • redirected towards
  • foster stronger family bonds
  • guidance and advice
  • professional and personal issues
  • crowded living conditions
  • lack of privacy
  • potential friction
  • development of essential life skills
  • cultural stigma
  • societal pressure
  • sense of failure
  • self-esteem
  • autonomy
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