IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think it is better for children to grown up in the city, while others think that life in the countryside is more suitable for them. What are the advantages and disadvantages of both places.

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Although
Linking Words
 many
parents
Use synonyms
 think that
growing up
Verb problem
raising
show examples
 their
children
Use synonyms
 in the
city
Use synonyms
 could benefit their modern lifestyle and will give
more
Correct pronoun usage
them more
show examples
 accessible
facilities
Use synonyms
 than in the countryside, some
parents
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
decided
Wrong verb form
decide
show examples
 to let their
children
Use synonyms
grown
Wrong verb form
grow
show examples
 up in the countryside.
Therefore
Linking Words
, there are advantages and disadvantages for
parents
Use synonyms
 to decide where the
children
Use synonyms
 should live and spend their development period. In
this
Linking Words
 modern era, living in the
city
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 will provide more
accessible
Replace the word
access
show examples
 to the
facilities
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 required by
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
children
Use synonyms
 to
perfom
Correct your spelling
perform
 well in their daily activities,
such
Linking Words
 as transportation, communication, education, healthcare, and so on.
Additionally
Linking Words
, the opportunity for expanding networking in the globalization age will boost
children
Use synonyms
's perspectives
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the more futuristic
world
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, especially in deciding what
future
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 skills
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
they should acquire to
pursure
Correct your spelling
pursue
 their dreams.
However
Linking Words
, living in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
metropolitan cities should be provided with
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 sense of caring
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
nature
Use synonyms
 and human interaction. Since the development of cutting-edge modern
facilities
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, people are now being isolated in the digital
world
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,
such
Linking Words
 as communication
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
mostly via virtual or social media which actually
reduce
Correct subject-verb agreement
reduces
show examples
 the
nature
Use synonyms
 of social interaction.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the
rising
Replace the word
rise
show examples
 of huge technologies
due to
Linking Words
demand
Correct article usage
the demand
show examples
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 living in the
city
Use synonyms
is
Verb problem
could
show examples
 now potentially
could
Verb problem
apply
show examples
damage
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
nature
Use synonyms
,
such
Linking Words
 as global warming. Meanwhile, the importance of education to
children
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 during
development
Add an article
the development
show examples
 process in the
city
Use synonyms
 is vital for
parents
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 to prevent more detrimental for the
future
Use synonyms
world
Use synonyms
 and humanity. On the other side,
children
Use synonyms
 who spend their childhood in the village will comprehend more about the essence of protecting
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
nature
Use synonyms
 and
maintain
Wrong verb form
maintaining
show examples
 social interaction. They will be more exposed to the importance of protecting
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
nature
Use synonyms
,
such
Linking Words
 as
forest
Fix the agreement mistake
forests
show examples
 or the river.
However
Linking Words
,
due to
Linking Words
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of
facilities
Use synonyms
, particularly education, healthcare, and technologies, the opportunity for
children
Use synonyms
 who live in the countryside to obtain broader information or maintain their well-being will be less compared to the
children
Use synonyms
 who spent their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 in the cities. In summary, deciding where to
grow
Verb problem
raise
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
children
Use synonyms
 is important for their
future
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 and the role of
parents
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 to analyze the pros and cons should be wise. Maintaining the balance on both sides will be more necessary
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the
future
Use synonyms
 of the
children
Use synonyms
 and the
world
Use synonyms
.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure your ideas are structured logically throughout the essay. Group related ideas together in a clear sequence, and use transition words where necessary to make connections between points. Avoid repetitions and stay focused on answering the question directly.
task achievement
Introduce more specific examples to illustrate your points and strengthen your arguments. Ensure these examples are relevant to the topic at hand. For instance, mention specific activities or benefits children might have in a city versus the countryside.
coherence cohesion
Work on expanding your vocabulary and avoiding repetitive phrases. This will help improve both the coherence of your essay and the clarity of your ideas. Consider using synonyms and more diverse expressions to articulate your thoughts more vividly.
task achievement
Try to stay concise and avoid overcomplicating sentences. Clarity and simplicity can often better convey your ideas than long, convoluted sentences. Reread your sentences to check for any unnecessary complexity that could be simplified.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are well-presented and provide a clear framework for the essay. Each includes a general statement about the topic and concludes with a summarizing idea, which helps form a complete response.
task achievement
There is a solid attempt to weigh the pros and cons of both city and countryside living, addressing the main aspects mentioned in the prompt. This demonstrates an understanding of the task.

Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – advantages
  • Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • The main advantage is...
  • The disadvantage of this...
  • The main benefit...
  • Despite these advantages...
  • One possible drawback...

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