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Band 4.5

The bar chart shows the percentages of the Canadian workforce in five major industries in 1850 and 2020.

The bar chart shows the percentages of the Canadian workforce in five major industries in 1850 and 2020.
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The graphic gives us information about the percentages of the workforce in five different Canadian industries in 1850 and 2020. As you can see, in 1850 the biggest percentage of the labour pool was in manufacturing and the lowest percentage was in
energy
Use synonyms
/
water
Use synonyms
. In 2020,
services
Use synonyms
 companies had more employees
while
Linking Words
 activities of
energy
Use synonyms
/
water
Use synonyms
 and agriculture / fishing had the smallest percentage. In 1850,
manufacturing
Correct article usage
the manufacturing
show examples
 party had the biggest number of workers with 36%, followed by
services
Use synonyms
 with 33%, and agriculture/fishing with 22%. Construction and
energy
Use synonyms
water
Use synonyms
 activities had the minimal amount of workforce with 5% and 1% respectively. Regarding 2020, the category
services
Use synonyms
 had the first place with 81% of workers, second manufacturing with 9%, and construction and
energy
Use synonyms
water
Use synonyms
 had only 1% of the personnel each. In conclusion, in 1850 there were more people working in different companies,
whereas
Linking Words
 in 2020 companies
such
Linking Words
 as
services
Use synonyms
 activities were the principal source of employment in Canada.
Submitted by daniruspi on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the fifth paragraph.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words energy, water, services with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.
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