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Writing Samples
Band 4

Writing Task 1 The chart gives information about the percentage of overweight men and women in Australia from 1980 to 2010

Writing Task 1 The chart gives information about the percentage of overweight men and women in Australia from 1980 to 2010
#information #percentage #men #women #australia
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The chart imparts
detail
Fix the agreement mistake
details
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 about the percentage of obese males and
females
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 in Australia from 1980
by
Change preposition
to
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 2010. A glance at the bar chart provided reveals that, Overweight
men
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 were growing dramatically
year
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 by
year
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. As for
females
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 are concerned. Overweight
women
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 were
promoting
Wrong verb form
promoted
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year
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 to
year
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 in Australia. In 1980
year
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 over 40% of
men
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 acquired over fit. 30% of
females
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supersized
Add a missing verb
are supersized
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 . That was higher than the figure for males by about 5%. Individuals who were filling out. They filled out via breaking hormones or eating more meals. 50%of
men
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supersized
Add a missing verb
were supersized
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 in Australia by 1990
year
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. At that time, 40% of
women
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 participated.
Obesity
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raised
Wrong verb form
has risen
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 dramatically.
That is
Linking Words
 to say, 70% of
men
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.
Females
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consists
Wrong verb form
consisted
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 of 50
percentage
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per cent
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 in 2000. There were
difference
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differences
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about
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of about
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 20%. Overweight
men
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 decreased during the 10 years
in2010
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in 2010
year
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. About 68
percentage
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per cent
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 of
men
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.
However
Linking Words
,
Women
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's fit did not alter by 2010
year
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.
Women
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's
obesity
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 was fewer than
men
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's
obesity
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 and
women
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's
fit
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fitness
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 was superior to
men
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's
obesity
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.
Submitted by Shaxnoza on

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words females, men, year, women, obesity with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "dramatically" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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