The following is an essay submitted by one of our students. In some countries, governments are encouraging industries and businesses to move to regional areas outside the big cities. Do the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages?

#students #countries #governments #industries #businesses #move #areas #cities #trend

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?

these days some countries' governments are encouraging

industries

also

businesses

move

to regional areas outside the big cities

this

essay will discuss both sides and draw my personal conclusion On one hand, the advantages

encouraging

Change preposition

of encouraging

show examples

industries

and

businesses

to change places

industries

to a free

place

and to a good

place

for

city

Add an article

the city

show examples

and to the best

place

for example

now some countries taking

this

step so Kuwait taking

this

and many governments see

this

idea as important

in addition

to moving the

industries

as well as

a business

this

has many advantages one of the lot advantages that helps

people

to spend good life

then

and

that is

dangers on animals so that give city many places because the

industries

business pick large places and much spaces

furthermore

that are subjects countries On the other disadvantage encouraging

industries

then

businesses

has

Change the verb form

have

show examples

many disadvantages one of mush the changing

place

that wants money

this

reason loss money of company

then

the government

also

this

causes dangers

live

Add the particle

to live

show examples

the animals

also

if want to go to

industries

that need time because

way

Add an article

the way

show examples

some

people

do not think

this

is a good job

also

now some

people

asking of government do not

move

the pleas reason in

industries

work there

people

so the job is important of

people

In conclusion, after watching both points of view.I believe the

move

industries

in addition

businesses

Change preposition

to businesses

show examples

that are important now must

move

because

that is

a problem for

people

and that damage to oxygen and oxygen is important to

people

Submitted by s97580011 on Sun Jun 02 2024

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence

Try to develop your ideas more clearly and logically. Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea supported with relevant examples. For instance, explaining why moving industries helps reduce pollution could make your point stronger.

cohesion

Work on improving your sentence structure and grammar to enhance the readability of your essay. For example, using linking words like 'Firstly,' 'Additionally,' and 'However,' will help in organizing your ideas.

task response

Avoid generalizations and overly broad statements. Providing specific examples and details can make your arguments more convincing. For instance, instead of saying 'many advantages,' specify what these advantages are.

general

You have made an effort to discuss both sides of the argument, which is a good practice for a balanced essay.

conclusion

You have a clear conclusion that reflects your opinion on the matter, which is essential for a coherent essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
5
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

6 paragraphs

256 words

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

6
band
Some people think that in the modern world we are more dependent on each orther. Others argue that people have become more independent. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
This essay discusses two different perspectives on the dependency of people in the modern world which is influenced by modern technologies and innovation. The writer tries to present both views and elaborate based on a personal point of view.
7.5
band
In some place, old age is valued, while in other cultures youth is considered more important. Discuss both views and give your opinion
Even recently, the old discussion of ageism is still a hot issue talked about by the people. While many individuals stand with the importance of the old citizens, there are also many folks from different backgrounds that hold the youth in a higher position. In this essay, I shall discuss points from both views before sharing my opinion about this matter.
6
band
Some people say that there is too much harmful content on the internet. They say the only way to make the internet safe is for the government to censor the content of websites. To what extent do you think the government should control what information is available on the internet?
In today's contemporary and advanced society, some individuals are vigorously concerned about the information they can come across on the internet, in the sense of entailing severe repercussions, such as the traumatizing psychological stance of young springs and mankind in general. However, there is a strong likelihood that the government is able to rectify the issue via providing access to certain websites with only a control feature. I profoundly give credence to that owing to the capability of depletion adversely serendipity also remains an opportunity to have sufficient control for utilization.
7.5
band
Throughout history, male leaders often made society more violent and conflicting. If women governed the world, the world would be more peaceful. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
The idea that the world would be more peaceful if governed by women stems from traditional beliefs about gender and leadership. Women are often seen as more nurturing, empathetic, and collaborative, which could theoretically lead to less aggressive policies and a stronger focus on diplomacy over conflict. Historical examples, like New Zealand’s Jacinda Ardern and Germany’s Angela Merkel, show how female leaders can emphasize social welfare, healthcare, and diplomacy. These qualities can indeed help mitigate the conditions that lead to conflict, such as inequality and poverty.
5
band
Many people believe that social networking sites (such as Facebook) have had a huge negative impact on both individuals and society. To what extent do you agree?
Social networking sites are thought to be a negative influence for its users. I partially agree to this proposal not because the sites themselves, but because there are devils residing on the peripheral.

The following is an essay submitted by one of our students. In some countries, governments are encouraging industries and businesses to move to regional areas outside the big cities. Do the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages?

Fully explain your ideas

Some people think that in the modern world we are more dependent on each orther. Others argue that people have become more independent. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

In some place, old age is valued, while in other cultures youth is considered more important. Discuss both views and give your opinion

Some people say that there is too much harmful content on the internet. They say the only way to make the internet safe is for the government to censor the content of websites. To what extent do you think the government should control what information is available on the internet?

Throughout history, male leaders often made society more violent and conflicting. If women governed the world, the world would be more peaceful. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Many people believe that social networking sites (such as Facebook) have had a huge negative impact on both individuals and society. To what extent do you agree?