The following is an essay submitted by one of our students. In some countries, governments are encouraging industries and businesses to move to regional areas outside the big cities. Do the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages?
these days some countries' governments are encouraging
industries
also
businesses
to move
to regional areas outside the big cities this
essay will discuss both sides and draw my personal conclusion
On one hand, the advantages encouraging
Change preposition
of encouraging
industries
and businesses
to change places industries
to a free place
and to a good place
for city
and to the best Add an article
the city
place
for example
now some countries taking this
step so Kuwait taking this
and
many governments see this
idea as important in addition
to moving the industries
as well as
a business this
has many advantages one of the lot advantages that helps people
to spend good life then
and that is
dangers on animals so that
give city many places because the industries
business pick large places and much spaces furthermore
that are subjects countries
On the other disadvantage encouraging industries
then
businesses
has
many disadvantages one of mush the changing Change the verb form
have
place
that wants money this
reason loss money of company then
the government also
this
causes dangers live
the animals Add the particle
to live
also
if want to go to industries
that need time because way
some Add an article
the way
people
do not think this
is a good job also
now some people
asking of government do not move
the pleas reason in industries
work there people
so the job is important of people
In conclusion, after watching both points of view.I believe the move
industries
in addition
businesses
that are important now must Change preposition
to businesses
move
because that is
a problem for people
and that damage to oxygen and oxygen is important to people
Submitted by s97580011 on
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coherence
Try to develop your ideas more clearly and logically. Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea supported with relevant examples. For instance, explaining why moving industries helps reduce pollution could make your point stronger.
cohesion
Work on improving your sentence structure and grammar to enhance the readability of your essay. For example, using linking words like 'Firstly,' 'Additionally,' and 'However,' will help in organizing your ideas.
task response
Avoid generalizations and overly broad statements. Providing specific examples and details can make your arguments more convincing. For instance, instead of saying 'many advantages,' specify what these advantages are.
general
You have made an effort to discuss both sides of the argument, which is a good practice for a balanced essay.
conclusion
You have a clear conclusion that reflects your opinion on the matter, which is essential for a coherent essay.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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