school teaching should focus on success on the workforce and lesson attention should be given to academic achievement, to what extent do you agree or disagree ?

it is a controversial
isssues
Correct your spelling
issues
issue
as
Change preposition
to wether
show examples
wether
Correct your spelling
whether
show examples
the teaching of school be emphasized
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
childrens's
Correct your spelling
children's
boosting in mechanical training, or
wether if
Correct your spelling
whether it
show examples
should be
consentration
Correct your spelling
concentration
of
chidren
Correct your spelling
children
children's
academic success. From my
prespective
Correct your spelling
perspective
, I
total
Change the word
totally
show examples
agree with the statement
student
must
focus
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
successful
Replace the word
success
show examples
their
Change preposition
in their
show examples
academic
skills
to enhance their
knowladge
Correct your spelling
knowledge
at
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
school.
Firstly
,
student
requires
Add the particle
requires to
show examples
improve their
knowladge
Correct your spelling
knowledge
before they will get a job or in real life.
However
, it is essential to
focus
increasing
Change preposition
on increasing
show examples
them
Change the pronoun
their
show examples
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
show examples
,
for example
fully
understand
Wrong verb form
understanding
show examples
regarding
Change preposition
apply
show examples
chemical
Fix the agreement mistake
chemicals
show examples
and science
that
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
prepared
by
Change preposition
for
show examples
them after
their
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
finish to
study
at formal education.
Consequently
, they will be
competition
Replace the word
competitive
show examples
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
later on if they have
finish
Replace the word
finished
show examples
study
.
Idditionally
Correct your spelling
Additionally
, children need to know what is their talent and teachers can give insight to
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
accompany them to boost their
knowladge
Correct your spelling
knowledge
,
such
as math or other subjects they need to escalate
ther
Correct your spelling
their knowledge
knowladge
.
As a result
, the children
is
Verb problem
find it
show examples
easier to
focus
getting
achievement
Replace the word
achieving
show examples
.
Secondly
, there
some
Add a missing verb
is some
show examples
positive impact
Change preposition
on student
show examples
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
learning academic
skills
to
prepare
Add the particle
prepare to
show examples
go to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
University.
Nevertheless
, they obtain academic
knowladge
Correct your spelling
knowledge
previously
go
Wrong verb form
going
show examples
to
hight-level
Correct your spelling
high-level
show examples
education, how they are critical thinking and
understaning differend caracter
Correct your spelling
understanding different characters
from other
poeople
Correct your spelling
people
at senior
hight
Correct your spelling
high
show examples
school.
Therefore
, they have
knowladge
Correct your spelling
knowledge
, so they will choose what subject they will take in the future. To
sump
Correct your spelling
sum
show examples
up. There
some
Add a missing verb
are some
show examples
advantages
Change preposition
to student
show examples
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
Correct pronoun usage
who focus
show examples
focus
Wrong verb form
focusing on
show examples
academic
Change preposition
on academic
show examples
skills
during
Correct word choice
while
show examples
they
are
Change the verb form
are studying
show examples
study
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
formal education because they can choose what major
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
they will take
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
later on.
And
Correct word choice
Then
show examples
then
they have
study
Fix the infinitive
to study
show examples
regarding
Verb problem
apply
show examples
academic
skills
since it is pivotal to prepare before
to become
Change the verb form
becoming
show examples
a
student
at the university.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Work on ensuring clarity and conciseness in your writing to make your arguments more understandable.
coherence cohesion
Try to improve the use of linking words and phrases to help your essay flow better.
task achievement
Support your points with more relevant and specific examples to strengthen your argument.
task achievement
Avoid repeating similar ideas; instead, expand on different aspects of the topic for a more comprehensive response.
task achievement
You have clearly stated your opinion and tried to support it with reasons.
coherence cohesion
You have presented some structure by including an introduction and a conclusion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: