IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

A lot of money is spent nowadays searching for oil. As the world's oil resources will eventually run out, it would be more logical to spend some of this money on developing new sources of power, such as wind and solar. To what extent do you agree or disagree

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In the contemporary world, a significant amount of resources are directed
for
Change preposition
toward
show examples
oil
Use synonyms
 and
gas
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 exploration operations. Bearing in mind the fact that
,
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apply
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 fossil fuels are finite in the environment, investing in infinite
energy
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 sources like
wind
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 and solar power would be
more
Correct article usage
a more
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 feasible investment choice. It is my contention that not only
oil
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 and
gas
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energy
Use synonyms
 is detrimental to the environment, but
also
Linking Words
 they are finite in the earth's crust,
therefore
Linking Words
, I believe shifting towards renewable
energy
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 sources will bring in
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
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numerous additional benefits to us. First up, scientists have predicted that the earth has solely left 40 years enough of fossil fuels
await
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to await
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 to be
extrated
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extracted
extradited
,
therefore
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,
importance
Add an article
the importance
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 of switching towards alternative
energy
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 providers is unquestionably critical for
the
Correct article usage
apply
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humanity to evolve into its next shape. Luckily, the earth has ample
amount
Fix the agreement mistake
amounts
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 of
energy
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 resources that are infinite and eco-friendly at the same time. Many countries including the heavy
oil
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 and
gas
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 suppliers
instead
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 of financing new
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oil&
Correct your spelling
oil and gas
gas
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 investigation operations,
they
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apply
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are heavily investing in the development of
solar powered
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solar-powered
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energy
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 plants and
wind
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 turbines as they offer a promising and impactful future to them.
For example
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, almost all of the OPEC countries are now in a race to
becoming
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become
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 a world leader in renewable
energy
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 production
lead
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led
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 by the China and US. Thereby, I believe renewable
energy
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 is the panacea to
combact
Correct your spelling
combat
 global warming and cut off the CO2 emissions which are emitted by fossil fuel users.
Moreover
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,
besides
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 the renowned advantages, the cost of green
energy
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 is almost as competitive as
oil
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energy
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. As
the
Correct article usage
apply
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more investor interest shift towards eco-friendly
energy
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, the price to harness solar,
wind
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 or
hydro power
Correct your spelling
hydropower
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 is getting lower
everyday
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every day
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,
thus
Linking Words
, bridging the gap between traditional and modern
energy
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 sources. Given all these advantages, investors appear to be highly receptive to green investment pitches, making it easier than ever to attract potential customers for
such
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 investments. One of the most powerful
side
Change to a plural noun
sides
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 of renewable
energy
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 is that it will remedy the damage caused by
oil
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energy
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 and
this
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 alone is enough to prioritize renewable
energy
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. In conclusion,
although
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initially
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initially,
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 many individuals were
skeptical
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sceptical
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on
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of
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 the idea of sun and
wind
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 power
supersiding
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superseding
supervising
oil
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 and
gas
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energy
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, the reality elucidates a completely opposite scenario as the potential of green resources is unparalleled in comparison to any other alternatives.

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task achievement
The main points in the body paragraphs should be more clearly supported with relevant and specific examples. While the example of OPEC countries investing in renewable energy is useful, adding more specific details and evidence would strengthen the argument.
coherence cohesion
Ensure logical structure is maintained by clearly connecting ideas between sentences and paragraphs. For example, some sentences in the second body paragraph could be better linked to improve the flow of ideas.
coherence cohesion
Improve sentence variety and use of more complex structures to make the essay more engaging.
task achievement
The essay provides a clear and comprehensive response to the task, addressing the importance of investing in renewable energy over fossil fuels.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are both present and clearly outline the main points of the essay.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • finite
  • renewable energy sources
  • expenditure
  • compromise
  • sustainable
  • environmental impact
  • infrastructure
  • economic sustainability
  • dependency
  • fluctuating prices
  • stimulate
  • job creation
  • vested interests
  • transition
  • reluctance
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