The pie chart shows the proportion of visitors to Ashdown Museum during the year before and the year after it was refurbished. It also indicates the results of surveys asking visitors how they felt about their visit during the same two periods

The pie chart shows the proportion of visitors to Ashdown Museum during the year before and the year after it was refurbished. It also indicates the results of surveys asking visitors how they felt about their visit during the same two periods
The pie chart shows the proportion of
visitors
to Ashdown Museum during the year before and the year after it was refurbished. It
also
indicates the results of surveys asking
visitors
how they felt about their visit during the same two periods.
Overall
, there is a development in the total
number
of visits and percentage of satisfied and very satisfied answers,
while
the proportion of very dissatisfied and dissatisfied respondents decreases. Looking at the details, it is
obviously
Change the word
obvious
show examples
that the total
number
of
visitors
significantly increased from 74,000 to 92,000 during the year after the Museum was refurbished.
In addition
, comparing the
number
of satisfied
visitors
we can
also
see an upward trend (it increased from 30% and 40% after the
refubrishment
Correct your spelling
refurbishment
).
Similarly
, the
number
of very satisfied
visitors
increased by 20%.
In contrast
, the percentage of dissatisfaction decreased from 40% to 15%. The
number
of dissatisfied decreases halved.
While
the
number
of
unresponse
Correct your spelling
unresponsive
responses stays the same.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also, while".
Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 100%.
Vocabulary: Replace the words visitors, number with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "shows" in your introduction.
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "proportion" in your introduction.
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 6 times.
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "decreases" was used 3 times.
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 3 times.
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