Computer games are very popular in all age groups and nationalities. Parents think it has little educational value and harmful effects. What is your opinion about this? Give examples based on your own experience.

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Nowadays,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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technologies are becoming more
advance
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advanced
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where
Correct word choice
which
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it
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apply
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also
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affect
Change the verb form
affects
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the
computer
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
' development.
The
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Computer
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computer
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games
Use synonyms
have entered all age groups and nationalities.
However
Linking Words
, some people believe that
the
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apply
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computer
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games
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would
bring
Verb problem
have
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negative
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a negative
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impact
in
Change preposition
on
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adolescents'
education
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and
negative
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a negative
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effect
for
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on
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their lives. In my opinion, I agree that
computer
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games
Use synonyms
could affect
children
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's
education
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and their
health
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. Here are my explanations.
First,
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based on my experiences, only a few
number
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numbers
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of
computer
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games
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have positive benefits related to
education
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. Most
the
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apply
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computer
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games
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are less
benefits
Replace the word
beneficial
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for
education
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and sometimes
it
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apply
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could
Wrong verb form
can
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cause addiction
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
children
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,
implicating
Verb problem
resulting
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in decreasing their performance in school.
Second,
Linking Words
the
computer
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games
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could affect the adolescents' mental condition.
This
Linking Words
situation is caused by most
computer
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games
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are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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containing violence and other bad things that could
give
Verb problem
have
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a bad influence
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
the
children
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's
mind
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minds
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.
Third,
Linking Words
computer
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games
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can cause
health
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problems. When people
addicted
Add a missing verb
are addicted
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to
computer
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games
Use synonyms
, they can able to spend
Correct article usage
a long-time
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long-time
Correct your spelling
long time
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in front of the monitor.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
condition could result
eyes
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eye
show examples
problem because the
computer
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monitors radiate a wave where in
Correct article usage
the long-term
show examples
long-term
Correct your spelling
long term
show examples
it can
effect
Correct your spelling
affect
show examples
eyes'
Correct article usage
the eyes'
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health
Use synonyms
. In conclusion,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
computer
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games
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should be restricted from
children
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. In spite of having fun
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
playing
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
computer
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games
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, it could bring some
downside
Fix the agreement mistake
downsides
show examples
, where the
computer
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games
Use synonyms
could make addiction to
children
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,
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
could
bring
Verb problem
have
show examples
bad influences
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
children
Use synonyms
's mental, and
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
could
make
Verb problem
cause
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
health
Use synonyms
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
in
children
Use synonyms
especially
Add the comma(s)
, especially
show examples
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
eyes
Fix the agreement mistake
eye
show examples
problems.
Submitted by rlsatria on

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coherence cohesion
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coherence cohesion
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task achievement
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task achievement
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task achievement
The essay addresses the prompt well and provides a clear opinion on the topic.
coherence cohesion
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    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
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    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
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