in many countries around the world young people decide to leave their parent's home once they finish school. They start living on their own or sharing a house with friends.Is this a positive or negative development?

#countries #world #people #parent #home #school #house #friends #development

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in many countries in the world, young people choose to leave their parent's homes when they finish school.

however

, they live alone or they share their houses with friends. I believe that

according to

modern society ,

this

decision can be correct ,

Although

there are some challenges for them.

To begin

with ,

it is clear that

almost most children like to be dependent.

however

, they can not live with their parents for always.

Furthermore

, they must learn to continue their lives without support from their families.

there

Capitalize word

There

show examples

are some advantages

Tnd

Correct your spelling

and

some disadvantages to

this

decision.

for example

, they try to explore their skills and earn money from their abilities.

in addition

, they learn to manage and save their money to buy a house or car.

on the other hand

, they must do their routine

wor

Correct your spelling

work

show examples

such

as cooking , washing the dishes or go the bank. they have to multi-task at the same time often and

this

is a good point for their future.

Capitalize word

show examples

other words , it helps to get strong in front of problems.I agree that children should leave their parent's home because of these reasons. there are some disadvantages to

this

issue.

for instance

, when they get sick , they must care

themeselves

Correct your spelling

themselves

and it is very hard obviously or they feel homesick

due to

the distance between them and themselves. in the meantime , there are not good friends always and it may create unhealthy friendships.

Hence

they should be careful for finding friends.

to sum up

, leaving a parent's home is beneficial as it improves children's abilities ,

Although

there are some problems with

this

decision.

Thus

. everyone should decide

according to

their own personality.

Submitted by rastaebrahimifar on Mon Jun 03 2024

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task achievement

Work on sentence structure and grammar to make the essay more polished and easier to read. This includes proper use of articles, verb tenses, and word forms. Rewriting some sentences in a clearer manner will help in achieving more comprehensive ideas.

coherence cohesion

Improve the logical structure by connecting ideas more smoothly and clearly. Use logical connectors (e.g., 'therefore,' 'furthermore') more effectively to improve the flow from one idea to another.

task achievement

Work on providing more specific and relevant examples that directly support the main points made in the essay. This will make your arguments stronger and more convincing.

task achievement

The essay addresses both the advantages and disadvantages of young people moving out of their parents' home, showing a balanced view on the topic.

coherence cohesion

There is a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps frame the argument in the essay.

task achievement

The topic is contemporary and highly relevant, which shows an understanding of modern societal trends.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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17
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

289 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

independence
responsibility
life skills
budgeting
time management
social skills
conflict resolution
financial challenges
utilities
emotional well-being
homesickness
support system
cultural norms
inter-generational conflicts
academic performance

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in many countries around the world young people decide to leave their parent's home once they finish school. They start living on their own or sharing a house with friends.Is this a positive or negative development?

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

It is suggested that primary children should learn how to grow vegetables and keep animals. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

Recent surveys show increased interest in relocation and travel to other countries. What may be the reasons for this trend, and what will be the possible outcome from this behaviour? Provide examples for your opinion.

In some countries the average weight of people is increasing and their levels of health and fitness are decreasing. What do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them?

Money offered for post graduate research is limited; as a consequence, some people argue that financial support from the government should only provide for scientific research rather than research for less useful subjects. Do you agree or disagree?

Some people believe that the government should spend more money putting in more works of art like paintings and statues in cities to make them better places to live in.