IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Nowadays, people moving to a new country have become a normal trend. However, there are some concerns about living abroad such as learning new languages and social problems. In this essay, I will examine both perspectives and provide my opinion on this topic.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Living abroad where
people
Use synonyms
 speak a different
language
Use synonyms
 from your mother tongue can lead to  numerous problems beyond communication issues
such
Linking Words
 as social and mental health issues.
People
Use synonyms
 migrating to new countries have to learn new languages and adapt to the new environment
that is
Linking Words
 different from
your
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 home
country
Use synonyms
.
As a result
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 who cannot adapt to a new society or have a problem with social skills can easily be stressed and feel anxious.
This
Linking Words
 can lead to a mental health problem like depression and antisocial syndrome. The migrants not only deal with new languages and communication skills but
also
Linking Words
 are likely to see discrimination in some cases.
For example
Linking Words
, American-Chinese
people
Use synonyms
 faced a lot of discrimination after the COVID-19 pandemic.
However
Linking Words
, it can be argued that in the first
place
Add a comma
place,
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 might not adapt to the new environment abruptly but after
that
Add a comma
that,
show examples
  they will feel better and will find benefits to
live
Wrong verb form
living
show examples
 in a new
country
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, learning a new
language
Use synonyms
 helps
people
Use synonyms
 improve communication skills and find new friends to hang out with to reduce
your
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 homesickness.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 can have a work opportunity in a new
country
Use synonyms
 to earn their livelihood rather than their home
country
Use synonyms
.  In conclusion, I firmly agree that living abroad may cause a lot of problems.
For
Linking Words
example
Add a comma
example,
show examples
people
Use synonyms
having
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
 to struggle with learning a new
language
Use synonyms
 and dealing with discrimination and mental health.
Therefore
Linking Words
, it is essential for
people
Use synonyms
 to strike a balance between the advantages and disadvantages
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 migrating to a new
country
Use synonyms
 having a different
language
Use synonyms
 and culture.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
To improve your task response, make sure to further elaborate and provide more thorough explanations or examples for each of your points. Instead of a brief mention, delve deeper into how learning a new language or feelings of homesickness might particularly affect people's experiences.
coherence cohesion
In terms of coherence and cohesion, aim to enhance the logical flow of your ideas by using more transitional phrases or linking words between sections. This helps guide readers smoothly through your essay and highlights the relationships between your main points.
introduction conclusion present
You have effectively introduced the topic and provided a clear conclusion that ties back to your main points. This helps in giving the essay a well-rounded feel.
relevant specific examples
The essay provides some pertinent examples, such as the discrimination faced by American-Chinese people after the COVID-19 pandemic, which enhance the overall argument and provide real-world context.

Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: