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Writing Samples
Band 4

Young people are often influenced in their behaviours by others in the same age group. Some argue that peer pressure is important while others feel it has distinct disadvantages. Do the disadvantages of peer pressure outweigh the advantages?

#people #behaviours #age #group #argue #peer #pressure
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The
peer
 group tends to exert
influence
 on the way teenagers behave.
While
 many believe that the
influence
 of peers is immensely important, others opine that it has its obvious drawbacks. I believe that the benefits
peer
pressure
 brings outweigh the disadvantages because it can still instil
positive
Add an article
a positive
show examples
 attitude towards education, despite the primary drawback, namely
substance
 use, or so on it may cause. The
influence
 of peers can inspire young people to build positive
behaviours
, make good choices, and strive for academic excellence. When friends place emphasis on education and academic performance, it can exert a positive impact on the young's attitude
torwards
Correct your spelling
toward
 learning.
For instance
, students who maintain a friend circle
who
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 possess
strong
Correct article usage
a strong
show examples
 work ethic
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 may feel a strong motivation to study diligently with them.
However
,
peer
pressure
 can
also
 exert
influence
 on young people to engage in deviant
behaviours
. It may make young adults feel obliged to take on bad habits like
substance
 abuse to feel like they are part of the circle and not levelled as boring or weak.
For example
, if a group of friends get involved in
substance
 abuse, underage drinking, and
delinquenet
Correct your spelling
delinquent
 activities, a child may feel obligated to
confrom
Correct your spelling
conform
confirm
 to these
behaviours
 to avoid exclusion.
To conclude
, there is no concrete evidence to endorse the view that
peer
pressure
 is the primary reason for unacceptable
behaviours
 and
substance
 abuse. I believe that
peer
pressure
 can encourage young people to
conform
Verb problem
adopt
show examples
 a positive attitude towards learning.
Submitted by sejal.h on

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task achievement
While the essay presents a balanced view, more specific examples and evidence would strengthen the arguments.
task achievement
Ensure that the explanation of ideas is clear and comprehensive, avoiding repetition and maintaining focus on the main point.
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical flow between ideas and paragraphs to enhance coherence.
coherence cohesion
Revise sentences for minor grammatical errors and maintain a consistent tone throughout the essay.
task achievement
The essay successfully outlines both the advantages and disadvantages of peer pressure.
coherence cohesion
Clear introductory and concluding paragraphs contribute to a structured response.
coherence cohesion
The main points are well-supported, showcasing a thoughtful engagement with the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • peer pressure
  • influence
  • behaviours
  • age group
  • positive behaviour
  • negative influence
  • substance abuse
  • reckless behaviour
  • detrimental effects
  • health and future prospects
  • social skills
  • sense of belonging
  • emotional and psychological development
  • erode
  • self-esteem
  • personal values
  • decision-making abilities
  • introduce new perspectives
  • open-mindedness
  • conform
  • individuality
  • creativity
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