IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some believe that the Olympic games help bring people from different nations together. while others claim that holding the Olympics wastes money which could be used for important issues. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.

#believe #olympic #games #people #nations #olympics #wastes #money
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In temporary days, the vast majority debated that
Use synonyms
Olympic
Correct article usage
the Olympic
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games
Use synonyms
 help
connecting
Wrong verb form
connect
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 nations together
whereas
Linking Words
 others believe that it is better
the
Change preposition
for the
show examples
 money to be spent on other problems.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss both
Correct article usage
the benefit
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benefit
Fix the agreement mistake
benefits
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 and
drawback
Fix the agreement mistake
drawbacks
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 of these
view point
Correct your spelling
viewpoint
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 and provide my opinion. It is undeniable that
Use synonyms
Olympic
Correct article usage
the Olympic
show examples
games
Use synonyms
 do not help society in general or
the
Correct article usage
apply
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poverty
in particular
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. In fact, because of
Olympics
Correct article usage
the Olympics
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, the lives of the poor may not
become
Verb problem
be
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 better.
Consequently
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, it may be considered wasteful to spend an incredible amount of money hosting the Olympics.
Therefore
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, others claim it would be more beneficial to use the funds for other purposes.
However
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,
Use synonyms
Olympic
Correct article usage
the Olympic
show examples
games
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 attract a large amount of international visitors.
In other words
Linking Words
, it is an opportunity to communicate and get on with local people and gain more knowledge about the culture of their host nations.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, beneficial views of a nation by
travelers
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travellers
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 can promote positive relations between regions.
For instance
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, China’s 2019 hosting of the
Olympic
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games
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 increased the country’s standing with other states by winning over numerous foreign visitors.
This
Linking Words
 author believes that the
Use synonyms
Olympic
Fix the agreement mistake
Olympics
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 have a significant impact on important world issues
such
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 as conflict, war or poverty.
Additionally
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, several countries
complete
Correct your spelling
compete
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 in the Olympics or try to damage the reputations of their competitors. In fact, the funds allocated
of
Change preposition
to
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 the
Use synonyms
Olympic
Fix the agreement mistake
Olympics
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 would be more effectively developed to reduce poverty of tackle global problems. In conclusion, it will be better for
government
Correct article usage
the government
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 to spend money on other pressing issues which are more beneficial to society.

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task achievement
To improve your score, ensure your essay addresses all parts of the question and provides clear, comprehensive ideas. Try to expand on your points with relevant examples and explanations.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving the logical flow of your essay. Use appropriate transition words and phrases to connect your ideas more effectively.
task achievement
Ensure your main points are well-supported by evidence or examples. This will strengthen your argument and make your writing more persuasive.
coherence cohesion
Your essay contains a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps in organizing your points.
task achievement
You presented both sides of the argument, showing an understanding of different perspectives.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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