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Writing Samples /
Band 5

Modern societies need specialists in certain fields, but not others. Some people, therefore, think that governments should pay university fees for students who study subjects that are needed by society. Those who choose to study less relevent subjects should not receive the government funding Would the advantages of such an educational policy outweigh the disadvantage

#societies #specialists #fields #people #governments #university #fees #students #study #subjects #society #relevent #government #policy
In the world of global
problems
Add a comma
problems,
show examples
 we have a lot of useful and not majors.
Therefore
, more and more people
argued
Wrong verb form
argue
show examples
 that
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 must pay the cost of university for the ones who study relevant subjects,
while
 for others, who choose more pointless classes, they should not make scholarships and grants. But
this
 studying system has
their
Correct pronoun usage
its
show examples
 own advantages and
diasadvantages
Correct your spelling
disadvantages
. On the one hand, juveniles will pay more attention
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 important and significant studies like science and economy.
Because in
Correct word choice
In
show examples
 the future humanity will have huge problems with
environment
Correct article usage
the environment
show examples
, water and food deficiency,
shortage
Correct word choice
and shortage
show examples
 of mineral resources and will be searching
professionals
Change preposition
for professionals
show examples
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their fields.
For instance
, Singapore universities mostly receive the government
fundings
Fix the agreement mistake
funding
show examples
 for IT students and there
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 a major growth of specialists in hi-tech technologies.
Furthermore
, rarely do students in Japan choose soft skill classes after developing
nanotechnology
Correct article usage
the nanotechnology
show examples
 sphere and making grants and scholarships in that.
On the other hand
, adolescents must choose
major
Correct article usage
a major
show examples
 and have their right to study in their wanted field, owing to the fact that we live in
modern
Correct article usage
a modern
show examples
 society and
it
Correct pronoun usage
there
show examples
 will be always new classes and
deficit
Correct article usage
a deficit
show examples
 of professionals in every specialization.
For example
, after
disintegration
Add an article
the disintegration
show examples
 of the USSR,
large
Add an article
a large
show examples
 quantity of people studied
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
law and economy, because it was demanding subjects. But at the right
time
Add a comma
time,
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this
Change the determiner
these
show examples
 countries
try
Wrong verb form
are trying
show examples
 to reduce
number
Change the article
the number
show examples
 of students in that field. In conclusion, it is the culture of
toleration
Replace the word
tolerance
show examples
 in the world of globalization,
therefore
,
this
 is more favoured to give teenagers
choice
Correct article usage
the choice
show examples
 to study
majors
Correct article usage
the majors
show examples
 which they want.
Submitted by zhanelsakhimova on

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logical structure
To improve your logical structure, try organizing each paragraph around a clear, single idea. Use topic sentences to introduce each paragraph's main point and transitions to ensure a smooth flow of ideas.
introduction conclusion present
Ensure your introduction clearly outlines your main arguments and your conclusion summarizes them effectively. This will help you achieve higher marks for having an introduction and conclusion.
clear comprehensive ideas
Provide more specific examples and further develop your ideas to make your main points more convincing. This will help make your essay more comprehensive and clear.
complete response
Be sure to address all parts of the prompt. Ensure you discuss both the advantages and disadvantages equally and in detail to achieve a more complete response.
task achievement
Your essay addresses the topic at hand and presents a clear stance, showing an understanding of the prompt.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps to frame your discussion.
task achievement
You use some relevant examples to support your points, which strengthens your arguments.
task achievement
Your attempt to address both sides of the argument shows a balanced approach to the topic.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
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