IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think the government should provide free housing, while others believe it is not the government’s responsibility. Discuss both views and give your opinion

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Certain individuals are pressing the
government
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 to provide accommodation facilities to destitute individuals
however
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 others believe that the authorities cannot be held responsible for
this
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 matter. I believe that the
government
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 has limited resources and should focus more on generating
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
economic plans. In
this
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 essay, both opinions will be discussed to know the reasons
of
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for
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such
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 kinds of beliefs.
To begin
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 with, some poor people in the communities are stuck in a vicious cycle where they are not able to afford education and housing. They cannot earn anything because they never went to school to learn any skill.
Thus
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, their financial situations were so hostile that they were not able to think about anything except their necessity of the bread and butter. To exemplify, some homeless people have to spend the coldest nights of
winters
Fix the agreement mistake
winter
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 in
open
Correct article usage
the open
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 because they do not have money to afford rent. In
this
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 case, the
government
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 should step in and provide them
housing
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with housing
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 to save lives.
In contrast
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, the
government
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 should focus more on how to support businesses and provide
the
Correct article usage
apply
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employment opportunities to all.
Besides
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this
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, the role of free education and meals provided in schools is so important to bring the focus of destitute children to their studies.
For example
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, In India, the authorities researched
about
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apply
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the absence of some disadvantaged children from school. The result of the analysis was that they
quitted
Wrong verb form
quit
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 the school
due to
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 the distraction of hunger.
Thus
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, the
government
Use synonyms
 introduced a midday meal plan for all the children which significantly improved the enrollment and their graduation.
Consequently
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,
this
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 ensured their jobs and a sustainable income to pay house rent.
Thus
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, employment is more important to consider rather than rewarding the housing facilities directly. In conclusion, offering home to disadvantaged sections of society is a temporary measure and cannot run forever. The more permanent
solutions
Fix the agreement mistake
solution
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of
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to
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this
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 problem is that homeless people should be supported and trained to eradicate poverty from their lives.
This
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 is a more economically feasible method.

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introduction conclusion
Your introduction sets up the discussion well by explaining the two viewpoints. However, your thesis statement is partially opinionated; it would be clearer if it explicitly stated your stance with a brief rationale. This would help in providing a clearer framework for the essay.
logical structure
While your paragraphing is generally effective, the transition between discussing the issues faced by destitute individuals and potential government interventions needs to be smoother. Ensure that each paragraph distinctly supports your argument but also flows logically from one idea to the next.
logical structure
To improve coherence, consider using more connective words and phrases. These will help guide the reader through your line of reasoning, fostering a clearer understanding of your argument.
supported main points
Be careful with over-generalizations. You mention 'some poor people' and 'authorities' without specifying which groups you are referring to. Adding precision in your language will create stronger points.
clear comprehensive ideas
In some parts, your reasonings are a bit repetitive. Focus on delivering distinct arguments in each paragraph to maintain the reader's interest and to present a more compelling case.
relevant specific examples
Your examples are relevant, but adding more variety in your examples (e.g., other countries, different segments of poverty within a society) could strengthen your argument further.
introduction conclusion
While the conclusion provides a good summary and insight, try to connect your final points more clearly to your initial thesis statement, reinforcing your argument but also addressing both views discussed.
task achievement
You have provided a balanced discussion on both sides of the argument, which demonstrates good critical thinking skills.
coherence cohesion
The essay is well-organized with clear paragraphs and topic sentences, which helps maintain a logical flow.
task achievement
Your use of examples significantly supports your points and illustrates your arguments well.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion frame the essay well, offering a coherent structure to your discussion.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • basic living standards
  • social equality
  • economic growth
  • disposable income
  • sustainable/sustainability
  • taxes
  • quality of housing
  • private sector
  • government intervention
  • innovation
  • efficiency
  • affordable housing
  • self-sufficiency
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