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Band 5

In many countries today there are many highly qualified graduates without employment. What factors may have caused this situation and what, in your opinion, can/should be done about it?

#countries #graduates #employment #factors #situation
there is a problem in some nations that highly qualified graduates have no job. the writer of
this
 essay believes that employers are looking for other abilities, so employees must alternate to adapt to requirements. it is undeniable that there are many changes in all aspects
due to
digital's
Change noun form
digital
show examples
 technology nowadays. to explain, artificial intelligence has replaced the role of humans in operating data or huge information, effectively and quickly.
therefore
, employers tend to invest in high-tech and reduce the number of labourers for the advantages of high quality.
As a result
, many employees lose their jobs
although
 they are still good at their jobs.
moreover
, comprehension is often highly appreciated by each person so businesses just accept people who have
this
 ability.
this
 is to say, highly qualified graduates are not enough
due to
 several
skills
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 needed
such
 as flexibility and social
skills
.
lacking
Replace the word
lack
show examples
 of
this
 means that a person cannot apply for any companies or factories.
for instance
, without communication
skills
, individuals cannot work effectively and be sociable so they become isolated and worse. Individuals should equip the
skills
 they do not have and improve weak
skills
 in themselves. having special
skills
 and highly qualified graduates is always
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
hired
from
Change preposition
by
show examples
 employers with well-paid
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
. Elon Musk,
for example
, transforms almost
his
Correct determiner usage
all his
show examples
 employees into AI and just keeps the few who have the best abilities working.
thus
, the changes nowadays and appearing of AI affect all people who are looking for jobs.
however
, individuals should equip needed
skills
 for themselves and learn more about other
skills
 that can help them through
this
 happening.
Submitted by Nghỉ hè vui vẻ cả nhà on

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task achievement
The introduction addresses the topic but lacks precision and a clear thesis statement. Refine your introduction to clearly outline what will be discussed in the essay.
task achievement
Expand on each idea with more depth and clarity. Integrate more specific examples and case studies to illustrate your points.
coherence cohesion
Logical transitions are present but need improvement. Ensure that each paragraph flows smoothly to the next, making your argumentation more coherent.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion should succinctly summarize the main points discussed and offer a clear final thought or recommendation.
task achievement
The essay addresses a relevant and contemporary issue, providing some insight into the factors and potential solutions.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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