IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

You should spend about 40 mins. Write about the following topic: Many people think that mobile phones should be banned in public places such as libraries, shops and public transport. Do you agree or disagree?

#mins #topic #people #phones #places #libraries #shops #transport
The issue of banning mobile
phones
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 public places has been a recent topic of debate
among
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the nation. Some proponents of society believe that smartphones should not be allowed
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 public areas
such
 as libraries, shops and public transport.
However
, I disagree with
this
 notion and
this
 essay will analyze my views by taking examples to demonstrate points to prove arguments.
To begin
 with, mobile
phones
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 a crucial part of an individual,
s
Correct your spelling
's
 life. I believe that mobile
phones
 are beneficial
while
 travelling by
a public transport
Remove the article
public transport
a means of public transport
a mode of public transport
show examples
. It can help in emergency situations, a person can call his family or ambulance if needed.
Moreover
, If someone loses their way or destination,
google maps
Correct your spelling
Google Maps
show examples
 can be used to reach
at
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apply
show examples
the right address.
In addition
, using
phone
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phones
show examples
 at libraries can help to find books or resources easily. Librarians can keep a proper record of every issued book.
For example
, a news channel reported
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 incident where a person who was mentally abnormal was not able to return back home just because he was not carrying a phone with him and he did not remember the name of any family.
Apart from
this
, with the advancement of technology, shopkeepers and buyers use their mobile
phones
 to pay any kind of bill at shops. People carry less cash with them as they can use
apple pay
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Apple Pay
show examples
 or
google pay
Correct your spelling
Google Pay
show examples
while
 shopping or eating.
To conclude
, smart
phones
Fix the agreement mistake
phone
show examples
 usage
carry
Correct subject-verb agreement
carries
show examples
 both pros and cons. It is the
responsibilty
Correct your spelling
responsibility
 of our community to see
where
Correct word choice
whether
show examples
 it is okay to use a phone or not okay.
Submitted by baljeetkhehra11318 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure the introduction clearly presents both sides of the argument before stating your position to better reflect a balanced view.
coherence cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear central idea that is fully developed. Avoid introducing multiple ideas in a single paragraph as it can confuse the reader.
coherence cohesion
Use topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to clearly indicate its main idea.
task achievement
Elaborate more on your examples and try to link them back to the main topic of the essay to strengthen your argument.
task achievement
Use varied sentence structures and vocabulary to enhance the readability and engagement of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Check for minor grammatical errors, such as punctuation and subject-verb agreement, to make your writing more polished.
task achievement
The essay provides relevant examples that support the main arguments, which adds to its credibility.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion summarizes the main points effectively and reiterates the thesis statement in a concise manner.
task achievement
The essay addresses the prompt fully and presents a clear stance on the issue.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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