Too much emphasis is given for education of the young. More government money should be spent to free time activities of young age. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
People argue that should use
government
budget to invest Correct article usage
the government
on
leisure Change preposition
in
activities
for the
Correct article usage
apply
youngster
rather than concentrate too much on education. Fix the agreement mistake
youngsters
This
essayist is fond of such
state
and will give reasonable evidence.
First and foremost, it is the Correct article usage
a state
stress relating
issues Wrong verb form
related
that
is
the consequence of the lack of time for pupils to play or relax. Children or energetic and playful, and they Change the verb form
are
also
in
need loads of relaxation, Change preposition
apply
moreover
, they tend to be very vulnerable to the lack of activities
and rest. Consequently
, such
people might get
suffer from illness, causing serious symptoms and mental problems like depression Verb problem
apply
and
Correct word choice
apply
ect
. Correct your spelling
etc
Thus
, children are potentially who will suffer from devastating impact if they do not get enough time for relaxation and leisure.
On top of that, the overload of education can negatively impact the pupil’s future career. It is good to know that students should perform at the high points, though too much is not good. To explain, not always a student who is day and night study to as being very successful in the future compare
to a child who Wrong verb form
compared
get
enough knowledge with time to Change the verb form
gets
plays
. What’s more, local authorities can spend their budget to invest Wrong verb form
play
on
research to create various educational but fun Change preposition
in
activities
for young students to join. Hence
, too much means not good, and it is true with the overload of education.
In conclusion, the argument of
the use of Change preposition
for
government
budget to invest Correct article usage
the government
on
leisure Change preposition
in
activities
for the
Correct article usage
apply
youngster
should be conducted because it can reduce the stress related issues rather than causing too negative impact Fix the agreement mistake
youngsters
to
the psychological and mental health or future of the pupils.Change preposition
on
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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph addresses a single main idea that directly supports your thesis. Some ideas in your essay seem mixed or not fully developed.
task achievement
Avoid using informal language and abbreviations such as 'ect.'. Stick to formal and academic language throughout the essay.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your points. For instance, you could mention specific leisure activities that have been shown to benefit children's mental health.
task achievement
Your essay identifies key issues such as stress and the impact on future careers, which are relevant to the topic.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps frame your arguments effectively.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.