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Writing Samples
Band 7

The graphs below give information about computer ownership as a percentage of the population between 2002 and 2010, and by level of education for the years 2002 and 2010. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words. (20 mins.)

The graphs below give information about computer ownership as a percentage of the population between 2002 and 2010, and by level of education for the years 2002 and 2010. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words. (20 mins.)
#graphs #information #computer #ownership #percentage #population #level #education #years #features #comparisons #mins
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The bar charts show the percentage of
people
 who owned
computers
as well as
 the figure was more specifically education level over an
8 year
Add a hyphen
8-year
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 period from 2002 to 2010.
Overall
, the general trend of computer ownership was
upwards
Correct your spelling
upward
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, and it ended the year at 75% in 2010. For five of the education levels, it is obvious that the majority of computer owners had a
Master
Change noun form
Master's
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 and Doctoral degree
while
 a group of
people
 who did not have a high school diploma possessed the lowest number of
computers
. Looking into details, the percentage of
people
 belonging to
computers
 gradually increased from approximately 55% in 2002 to 75% in 2010. It is interesting to note that the number of
people
 who did not receive high school and high school graduated grew almost twofold
while
 an average of students in college, undergraduate and postgraduate
degree
Fix the agreement mistake
degrees
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 had
computers
 which rose approximately 20-30%, compared with in 2002 and in 2010.
Submitted by kanchanakularathna1991 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words people, computers with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • percentage
  • population
  • ownership
  • correlation
  • educational attainment
  • significantly
  • increased access
  • technology
  • general trend
  • demographic
  • substantial rise
  • data
  • bar chart
  • illustrates
  • distribution
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