IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

The most important aim of science should be to improve people's lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#aim #science #people #lives
Many
people
said
Wrong verb form
say
show examples
 that the most essential goal of science is to provide
better
Add an article
a better
show examples
 life for the
people
. I couldn't agree more with the statement. Inventions based on improving
people
's
live
Replace the word
lives
show examples
 will
last
 longer
unlike
Add the comma(s)
, unlike
show examples
 the others which came from ill intentions. I
always
Add a missing verb
am always
show examples
 fascinated by how scientists are striving to create new
technology
 for helping
people
. As an example, electricity was introduced by Faraday and he believed it would bring benefits for
people
. Not long after that, T.A Edison
leverage
Wrong verb form
leveraged
show examples
 the
technology
 and created a lamp which we use on
daily
Correct article usage
a daily
show examples
 basis and thanks to the scientists, we have various
type
Fix the agreement mistake
types
show examples
 of lamps now. I believe that the motive of helping
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society is contagious and will make someone in the future take the baton to continue the vision. On the other side, we can
also
 see some technologies
being hold
Change the verb form
being held
show examples
 and have no
further
 public use
due to
 the bad reason behind
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
. Take
nuclear
Correct article usage
the nuclear
show examples
 bomb as an example. The mechanism of the bomb is
undebateably
Correct your spelling
undoubtedly
 brilliant, but
unfortunately
Add a comma
unfortunately,
show examples
 it was born as a tool to war. Despite the great potential to be used as renewable energy
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the future, nuclear
technology
 brings terror to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society.
To conclude
, the future can
we
Correct your spelling
be
show examples
 way greater with the help of good scientists. Even by nature, humans are social creatures that will need help from others, and the message "helping others" can
also
 be
pass
Wrong verb form
passed
show examples
 on within the development of
technology
.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

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introduction conclusion present
Work on making your introduction and conclusion more robust by summarizing key points and stating your thesis more clearly in the introduction.
logical structure
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and flows logically from one to the next. This will make arguments more compelling and easier to follow.
coherence cohesion
Your essay provides a clear and coherent response to the prompt, maintaining a consistent argument throughout.
relevant specific examples
You included specific examples like the invention of electricity and nuclear technology, which helps in making the essay more engaging and relatable.
clear comprehensive ideas
Your ideas are presented clearly and are easy to understand.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • crucial role
  • technological advancements
  • medical discoveries
  • life-changing inventions
  • innovations
  • solutions to human problems
  • enhancing quality of life
  • improvement of healthcare
  • transportation
  • communication
  • agriculture
  • energy sectors
  • eradication of diseases
  • prolongation of life expectancy
  • global challenges
  • climate change
  • overpopulation
  • food security
  • developed world
  • underprivileged communities
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