IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

It is important for children to learn the difference between right and wrong at an early age. Punishment is necessary to help them learn this distinction. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? What sort of punishment should parents and teachers be allowed to use to teach good behaviour to children?

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Elucidating teenagers on moral standards is of utmost necessity, and putting up a penalty for their crimes and offences would contribute immensely to their awareness of right and wrong. I personally, support
this
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 view as
this
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 would help proffer
the
Correct article usage
apply
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moral ethics in our youngsters. In
this
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 essay, I will elucidate
on
Change preposition
apply
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the need for
this
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 approach, and suggest the appropriate disciplinary acts, which the
parents
Use synonyms
 and
teachers
Use synonyms
 can take on offending school children. I believe that a public law against offenders without age restriction will help ameliorate or rather eradicate crime in
the
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apply
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society. To buttress
this
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, offenders
such
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 as murderers, burglars,
rapists
Correct word choice
and rapists
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, should be dealt with
accordingly
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.
Child
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protection act
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Protection Act
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,
however
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, can help reduce penalty, but I am of the objection that
such
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 a
child
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 offender be set free without any disciplinary action.
For instance
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, a fifteen years old boy
that
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apply
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stabbed an elderly man in his neighbourhood to death, and claimed that the deceased man was verbally mean to him. The
child
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 offender should be penalised to months of community service, rather than set
lose
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loose
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 under some
child
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 protection policy. It would
consequently
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 make the
child
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 aware of the gravity of his actions,
as well as
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 send a warning message to other teenagers against violence,
instead
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 of encouraging them.
Parents
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 and
teachers
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 can discipline students in diverse ways. They can reprimand them
as well as
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 suspend these children from accessibility or availability, depending on the severity of their offences. Guardians can restrict the kids from accessing their favourite belongings,
such
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 as toys, video games and tablets, long enough to ensure they feel remorse for their actions.
Teachers
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 as well can suspend the students from attending school, classes, or extracurricular courses after informing the
parents
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 and school
authority
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authorities
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.
As a result
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, the students are made conscious of the possible consequences of their decisions and actions. In conclusion, penalising our children makes them cognisance of right and wrong and would immensely mitigate the rate at which they defy their
parents
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,
teachers
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 and
the
Correct article usage
apply
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public authority.

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task achievement
Be mindful about maintaining a more neutral tone throughout the essay to ensure that your argument is presented logically and objectively. Avoid using colloquial terms such as 'set lose' and incorrect idioms like 'buttress this'. Substitute them with more formal and precise terminology.
task achievement
To strengthen your argument, you may consider providing additional examples or evidence to support your points. For instance, you can discuss psychological studies on the effectiveness of punishment in child behavior development.
coherence cohesion
While your main points are clear, make sure that they are fully supported by relevant details and that any assertions are well justified.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear and logical structure, with each paragraph focusing on a distinct point that advances the overall argument.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present and effectively frame the argument. The essay begins with a clear statement of the position and ends with a concise summary of the points discussed.
task achievement
The main points are generally well-supported by examples and detailed explanations, effectively illustrating your viewpoints.
task achievement
Your language and word choice are mostly appropriate, contributing positively to the clarity and persuasiveness of your arguments.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • punishment
  • positive reinforcement
  • consequences
  • time-outs
  • removal of privileges
  • open communication
  • clear expectations
  • consistency
  • fairness
  • disciplinary action
  • proportionate
  • moral values
  • internalization
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