Many people think that mobile phones should be banned in public places such as libraries, shops and public transport. Do you agree or disagree?
The vast majority of people
believes
that cell phones should be prohibited in several locations like libraries, shopping Change the verb form
believe
centers
and public Change the spelling
centres
transportations
.I do Fix the agreement mistake
transportation
completeley
agree with the statement as I think that these devices can be Correct your spelling
completely
distarctive
for the users and can make others Correct your spelling
destructive
concern
about Wrong verb form
concerned
its
misuse Correct pronoun usage
their
on
specific locations.
Telephones can cause concern for Change preposition
in
surronding
. In some situations, public members may get irritated by the related arrogance of technology, as many individuals can be reckless and have no sense of understanding the general practice of manners. Correct your spelling
surrounding
For instance
, talking on the phone with loud
voice can make library guests uncomfortable , since Add an article
a loud
the loud
high frequency
speech destroys Add a hyphen
high-frequency
attention
of readers. These behaviours Correct article usage
the attention
unaccepted
by anyone and those actions may receive hatred Add a missing verb
are unaccepted
by
Change preposition
from
crowd
.
Add an article
the crowd
Moreover
, smartphones are the main factor for distractiveness
of brain functions. The main reason for the circumstance is users being inattentive in sensitive situations because they have no focus. It is well-known thatCorrect article usage
the distractiveness
,
specific Remove the comma
apply
led
ray used in Correct your spelling
LED
production
of the items consists of Add an article
the production
special
substance that can gradually blind wide spectrum visual capability with only using sensor lights. Add an article
a special
For instance
, most people become more ignorant in common places such
as trains, buses and trams, while
breaking the priority rules in veichle
. Correct your spelling
vehicle
Hence
, disrespect of regulations may cause big concern withing
society.
In conclusion, mobile tools should be banned in communal places regarding to issue of possible concerns of focus shortage. BecauseCorrect your spelling
within
,
it is against the interest of third parties, restriction for the limited access on devices should be required by collectively.Remove the comma
apply
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task response
Although your essay addresses the prompt, it needs more specific examples to strengthen the argument. For instance, give a real-life specific example of a public transport incident where mobile phone use caused a problem.
task response
There are a few grammatical errors and awkward phrases that affect clarity. For instance, 'make others concern' should be 'make others concerned,' and 'public transportations' should be 'public transport.' Proofreading your essay can help you catch and correct these errors.
coherence cohesion
The transitions between ideas could be smoother. Words like 'Additionally,' 'Furthermore,' or 'On the other hand' can help guide the reader through your argument more effectively.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are quite effective, but the body paragraphs could benefit from better structure. Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea and that this idea is both introduced at the beginning and concluded at the end of the paragraph.
task response
Your introduction does a good job of clearly stating your position on the topic, which sets a good foundation for your argument.
task response
You have provided reasonable arguments about how mobile phones can be disruptive in public places. This makes your essay relevant and focused on the task.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which frames your argument well.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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